February 28, 2010

Today marks the first of 365 blogs on the year of living intentionally. For me this is more than just an experiment. It is a journey that is the culmination of three years of intense, painful, and at times very joyous growth. (I will share much as that story as we go through the year.)

Here is the starting point. I have lived well below my potential much of my adult life. While I have done some very positive things and helped many people, I have not really done what I was capable of doing. More importantly, I have not been who I was capable of being. I have not followed my path.

While I was relatively successful in my business, prior to the economic collapse, my lack of focus and action has created a mess in the past two years. I could blame it on the economy, but the truth is that it was my issue. I was sabotaging myself at every turn.

I have started dozens, probably hundreds, of things and rarely finished any of them. It is not flattering to say, but it is the truth. Anxiety, self-destructive behaviors, and a real fear of success have created road blocks at every turn. For years I have knows that I was capable of being and doing more, but it never happened.

That is over. Whether I fall on my face and fail miserable or soar to new heights, I have found a new resolve within me to be very intentional about my life and what I want to be, do, and experience. I hope that you will join me on this journey. I have no illusion that this will be an easy journey. I just know that it is a journey that I must take. I am being pulled toward it like metal shavings to a magnet.

Do you know what is strange? Since New Year’s Eve I have been trying to summon the courage to start this journey. Two months I have been talking about it without doing anything about it. (That is my old pattern for 56 years – saying I am going to do it but not really doing it.) Just three days before I actually made the commitment to start, I was consumed with fear. What if I can’t do it? What if everything falls apart? What if…..

Now that I stand at the starting gate, it is strangely peaceful. I can’t see the end of the journey, but that’s OK for me now. I do know that I have the courage to begin and that is all I need at this point.

John
Day One