Friday July 30

I watched Blind Side tonight. Great movie. This has been another week of transition for me. I had an insight after the movie. I have been wishing for the wrong thing most of my life. I have wishing for life to be easy. I have been wanting it to "happen." Somehow it would happen, almost effortlessly. Maybe it partially had to do with being the youngest in the family. Maybe it had a great deal to do with a lack of personal power at key points. Whatever the reason, that is what I wanted. I wanted someone else to do it for me. Someone to discover me.

Sure, I was willing to work hard. I have always worked hard. Truth is that I have worked harder than I should have at time.

So what should I have been wishing for? Actually, that is the wrong question. Asking what I should have been wishing for is a waste of time. I can't change what has already happened. I can only change the future. What am I going to be wishing for in the future?

That life will present me with opportunities to manifest my true greatness and that I will be up to the task.

July 29

Last night Tyler and I crashed in the living room and watched a movie. It has been an extremely busy summer. Drew's wedding, new clients, something on every weekend. Last weekend Chase and I went camping and had a great weekend, but you never sleep as good on the ground as you do in your own bed.

So, we determined on Monday evening that we would crash Wednesday night and watch the next Netflex moving coming our way. We met someone in Athens for sushi and then headed home. The movie was Broken Arrow. It is an old John Travolta and Christian Slater movie from the 90s about a disgruntled Air Force pilot who crashes a stealth bomber intentionally to steal the nuclear bonds and then bribe the government to get them back. We both remembered the movie as a good action packed thriller - mindless blow things up entertainment.

When the movie ended Tyler said, "The acting was terrible. I thought it was a great movie, though, when I was 13." While it was entertaining, Tyler was right. We both remembered the movie as being better than it actually was. Maybe acting , graphics, and pyrotechnics have improved since then, but what we remembered as great was not really as great as we thought it was.

A little like life isn't it. During this year of living intentionally I have realized that I don't want to go back to anything in the past. The memories of how it was are always different than it actually was. I am moving forward to a new future.

On another note, my sister Janice and I were talking yesterday afternoon and I made a comment about a major shift that has occurred during the last month. I have stopped worrying about most things. It is a true manifesting of a different future. I stepped back and realized that during this entire journey, things have always come through. Rather than being consumed by anxiety about the future, I learned to let it go.

Another move is that now there is the thought and focus on forward action, what I want.

July 28

There is an interesting phenomenon that has occurred since I started this process. While I made the emotional commitment to change and took action related to that, things begin to happen. It appeared almost like magic or that money or relationships came at exactly the right time. Whether it was money, relationships, or other things, they started happening after I made an emotional change and then begin to act.

The phenomenon leads to a major question. How much of what happens to us is because we program it to happen? Is it possible that we are actually in control of even more than we thought. (And I have always thought we were in control of a lot.)

In seminary the air was full of discussions about the nature of the universe, God, and who is in control of what. The predominate camps of thought were in the extremes - full control and no current control. God is actually in control of everything like the chess player moving the pieces on the board was one of the common camps. This was particularly popular with the more conservative crowd (of which there were a lot a Southern Baptist Theological Seminary). The other camp was closer to the deist view. God was the celestial clock maker. He built the universe, set it in motion, and then stepped out of the picture.

The middle ground was the concept of the dance. God can't do what he (or she) wants to do alone and neither can we. God is always inviting us to dance. When we say yes and step onto the dance floor, together we can do more than either one of us could do alone. I resinated with that concept for many years.

I am migrating now toward a model that is a spinoff of the dance model. I have not fully thought this through, but I get the sense that God wants us to be co-creators in the universe. Instead of asking the question, "What does God want me to do," the logical question for me now is "who was I created to be?" I was created, and I believe that we are instinctively driver to find meaning in our lives. Therefore, the driving question is not about what someone or something else wants me to do. The driving question is about who was I created to be.

In that train of thought, obedience is about discovery and manifesting, not following. Paradoxically, with good intentions, it seems that in our pursuit of following God in our lives we focused more on submission to someone else's path rather than discovering our path and what that means.

I leave with a thought. I now believe that our one task in life is to discover who we were created to be and then live that out in the time and space that we have with the people that we encounter. When we do that and we do it with gusto, magical things do seem to happen.

Friday, July 23

Transitions are always the hardest part. From a blog perspective, the challenge is working 12 hours a day and still finding the discipline to keep the blog updated. It is a good bit like keeping all of the pieces moving forward.

Latest updates are very good. While the physical fitness goals are off track some and the piano goals are off track some, the business goals are very much on track - which are the most important ones.

For years I have heard it said, and verbalized myself, that when you are ready the teacher comes. I truly belief it now. I have another thing to add to that thought. When you shift your mindset, opportunities begin to come available to you. After I made the decision to live intentionally for a year, I found that some opportunities began to present themselves to me. What is just coincidence, was I creating the opportunity, or was I simply seeing the things that were there all along? I am not fully sure. All I know is that when I got my mind cleared and my heart cleared that I suddently got contacts again that were off the radar screen during the months before.

July 14

Today I worked with someone that has been hired to continue the work that I have developed for new employees with a client. During our meeting there was a coaching moment that enabled me to explain in a simple manner what actually happens when anxiety occurs. You know if you have been reading this blog that I have been plagued with anxiety for many years. I am just mastering life without anxiety so it was exciting to describe what happens in a way that made sense to her and me.

She was a basketball players in high school, so we were using a basketball analogy. We were preparing for a meeting that she was to have with the owner of the company this afternoon. He is a great guy and the project that I have been working on is very important to the future of the company, so I wanted her to be comfortable and confident when she went into the meeting.

We were role playing numerous times. She would get stuck or started rambling and go blank. This happened numerous times. At one point, I realized that there was some anxiety underneath that was creating the blockage. I thought about a descriptor that was at least helpful for her and created some clarity for me.

Anxiety and fear create chatter in our mind. If we are not anxious or fearful, we tend to think clear and know what we need to do. When this happens, the wiring tells our body to do certain things and we do it. This person is a driven individual and applied her driverness during basketball. My guess is that she was a pretty good guard. I asked her what happened when she found herself being guarded by someone who she discovered was better than she was. It obviously created frustration and then anxiety.

In the discussion, I used this analogy. As long as you are confident in your ability and you have practiced things to the point of mastery, when you go in the game your instincts take over. You don't think about what you have to do, you just do it. But if someone is better than you, then it can shake your confident. When that happens, if we get anxious, then we get chatter in our mind. We are no longer thinking clear. The wiring that told our body to do certain things no longer works. When this happens we then start doing something different. We push too hard or we change our rhythm or something else. What has actually happened is that we have changed wires in our brain.

When we are not anxious we have trained our brain to do certain things without thinking. when anxiety happens, though, it is like we move from one wiring which tells our body to do something to another wiring that tells it to do something else. This other thing usually leads to actions that reinforce some negative belief. This is why anxiety leads to less than desirable results. Our wiring is sending signals for us to do something that will not help us achieve success.

July 12

Had a good weekend at Camp Merrie Woode. Caught up with some dear friends. Met on Friday with Yates Pharr at Falling Creek Camp to plan a big father/son weekend we are doing in August. There are a lot of things going on these days. In reflecting back over the past few months, I realize a couple of major changes that have occurred for me.

First, I have learned to finish things. I am still not great at it, but I am definitely better than I was. Second, I have learned to control my emotions instead of letting them control me. This is a huge breakthrough for me. In the past, my anxieties and fears certainly controlled me. I now can recognize when the fear and anxiety is creeping up and take action. Third, I have been able to focus on what I really want to do.

This sounds like such an easy set of things to understand and do, but as with almost all things, it is much easier to say than actually execute.

The major element that is still left to do is learning to take action externally, not just internally. Most as we go thorugh this week.

July 9

This week I have been thinking a lot about prosperity and success. Propsperity, these days, seems to be tied to making a lot of money or having a lot of stuff. I suppose that is one definition of prosperity. But prosperity, in its root sensse meetings growth. When something prospers it grows. It might be a relationship, a non-profit endeavor, a hobby, or a career.

It occurred to me that there are five keys for prosperity or success in anything you do. The first is that you must love what you do and the process to get to it. So, if you really want a relationship to prosper you must love the person and also the things that you do to build the relationship. If you want your career to prosper, you must love what you do and the process of doing it. If you don't love it, it will not prosper.

The second is you must separate your identity and self-worth from whatever you want to prosper. This may seem odd at first, but it is critical. If you have your self-worth tied up in something then it is hard to look objectively at it.

The third is you must be curious about it. What makes it work, how do I do it better, what are the little things that make it work right.

The fourth is you must nurture it. Nothing grows unless you nurture it.

The fifth is you must be persistent. Nothing will prosper unless you keep at it.

See you in a couple of days.

July 8

This blog has two major values for me. First, it creates a sense of accountability for me to take action. I realize that this has been a major stumbling block for me in years past. I was start things but then they would fizzle out. The second value of the blog is keeping the mirror up so that I can really see if I am doing what I say I want to do. It is one thing to say you want to do something. It is something completely different to actually do it. I am up early this morning working on doing it, not just talking about it.

I will be out of connection for a couple of days as I visit with two camps in North Carolina.

July 6

I am finally back focused again after the wedding, a week in Mexico and the catching up. I had a great insight last week that has helped me focus the future. I was reading Twyla Tharp's book, The Creative Habit. I would definitely recommend it. In the second chapter she asked the question - what is your creative DNA? What is that thing that most energizes you? What is that thing that makes you want to stay up late or get up early?

I started pondering the question about my own life. It did not take me long to identify my creative DNA - the study of the mind. It has always been a fascination for me. It has been at the center of everything that I done over the past 30 years that I really enjoyed. I love executive coaching because you are exploring the mind of the person you are working with and helping them learn to understand their own mind and how it is impacting their life. I remember as a teenager begin fascinated by stories of the monks in Southeast Asia that were able to regulate their body heat and stay outside in the cold with only their wraps for long periods of time.

I started thinking about the books that I have loved over the years. All of them had to with exploring the mind and how it can change your life. I thought about the journey that I have taken over the past three years. It has been a journey into my mind.

Grasping that incredible point has helped me refine and refocus the future for my business. the stuff that I have done over the past thirty years has been good stuff, but little of it was directly connected to my creative DNA. I realize now that I left the church and begin working with businesses, thinking that I could find personal power and prosperity in that realm. While I found some of both, unlimately, it never really gave me what I needed, because I was not focused on my creative DNA - helping others explore their mind and discover the potential that is there.

One more insight and I will stop today. I started thinking about how I describe myself. People ask you want you do. I have used all kinds of words to describe what I do over the years. Some of them have been elaborate and some skimpy, but they all felt hollow. So one day I started writing the sentence, "I am a..." I stopped and wasn't sure how to complete the sentence. At first I thought - minister. I am a minister, but that didn't fit. I don't really think of myself as a minister anymore. Then I thought, healer. But that did not ring true either. I don't think I have healed anyone but myself. The truth for me is that the people who heal others are few and far between - and they certainly are not on television. Then the word hit me that resonated with my heart.

I am a guide. My role is to help show people the way. I can walk with them for some of the journey, but untimately, we must all follow our own path. My job is to light the way so that you might find your path. That is the phrase that has stuck with we. I like it. It is like the searsucker suit that I bought for Drew's wedding. I put it on and I immediately liked it. It felt good. it felt right. It was me.

As I look at the future of the business and how I will spend my life, it will focus on being a guide - a light to others on the journey to find their path.

Monday, July 5

There have not been but two blogs during the past month. Much has happened in that time, both in the external world and the internal world. I will give you a snapshot now and we will continue with the details in the days ahead.

In the exterior world we had a wonderful and magical wedding for Drew and Elizabeth. From the rehearsal dinner through the reception (that ended with Drew and Elizabeth being thrown in the pool) it was a magical day. Much thanks to Chris and Kim Maddox for allowing the celebration to be at their house. That added to the magic of the day.

We left for a week in Mexico the day after the wedding with the Big Chill group. If you don't know group, they are three other couples that we have been getting together with every summer for the past 26 years. We all went to seminary together and three of the couples when to UGA together for undergraduate. It is like family. Actually, maybe closer than family.

It was a needed rest, as getting ready for the wedding and cleaning up after the wedding just about did us in. Patty, Genie Chamberlain (the wedding planner), and a host of helper did the flowers for the weeding and they were magnificent. Thanks to the big chill, Patty's brothers and sisters, and a few other friends we were able to clean up everything after the wedding and leave the Maddox farm in good shape.

Coming back from Mexico was a blur as it often is after a vacation. A week passed like a day. Then last week was equally busy.

There were also great insights in Mexico in terms of self awareness. There was the realization that I had focused most of my life on me, rather than thinking about others. There was the insight after getting back home, that I have spent too much time worry whether others are happy or not and not enough time just loving them. It was quite freeing to realize both of those insights. Admitting that you have been pretty narcissistic most of your life can be a tough pill to swallow. Recognizing that you don't have to stay that way can be very liberating.

The day that USA played Ghana in the world cup I stayed home and worked on something while the rest of the family went to a bar in Athens to watch the game. While the time that I spent was a good investment, I realized two important things that day. The first was that I am never again going to work while the family plays unless it is something that I really, really want to do. The second insight was that I am no longer worried about whether others are happy or not. It does not mean that I have become more narcissistic or uncaring. Actually, it is the exact opposite. In the past I have tied my identity to whether others were happy or not. This meant that if they weren't happy then I wasn't happy. That is a never ending game of trying to please others or get your worth from those outside of you. How often many of us, though, play that game.

One other thought and then I will go for today and give you another update tomorrow. We hit our financial goals for May and came close in June. From a physical fitness standpoint things have slid backwards. I made a conscious decision to stop my exercise routine when new business came and at the same time we were getting ready for the wedding. There just was not enough time in the day. Fourteen hour days of work, being with the family even a little, and getting ready for the wedding made exercise something that was expendable for the moment. We are back on track, though, with some new goals and directions. I will update you on these as we move forward.

From this point forward, the future is about action to manifest a very different and every enjoyable future. We are one third of the way through this year and already I can see the results of my focus and efforts. It has been both a stressful time and also a magical time. I have actually learned to walk by faith and take action to achieve a different future. See you tomorrow.

John