Day Eleven

A favorite part of my day on spring break is taking Patton to the beach early in the morning. This year the beach has been completely deserted every morning - just me, Patton, and the birds. I unclip the leash and let Patton run free. While I walk and run for three miles, Patton runs at least five miles chasing the birds.

He was groomed before we left, so his natural sleek build is apparent. Watching him chase birds is like watching thoroughbreds race. He trots along until he spots a flock in the distance walking next to the waves. Once he sees them he accelerates to full speed and races like a lazar beam to them. The pattern is always the same. He gets within twenty feet of the birds, and they take flight over the water. Even the smallest quickly flies out of reach.

Patton, undeterred, launches into the water after them. When he can no longer touch bottom he turns and leaps back to the beach, only to race after them again at breakneck speed. He has done this every day for two spring breaks. He never gets the birds.

Standard poodles are a very bright breed. Every list puts them in the top two or three brightest dogs. He is easy to train and has an incredible disposition. With all of this, though, it is obvious that he is working off of instinct and not cognitive reasoning. When his instincts take over he is on auto-pilot. He can’t help himself. If he had cognitive reasoning, he would realize that his current strategy will never get the birds.

Watching Patton makes me think of myself and others. For years I followed the same flawed patterns trying to achieve my goals. Even though I have cognitive reasoning, I was still like Patton, on auto-pilot. My patterns of thinking and acting would never help me achieve my goals, yet I continued to follow them, thinking that this time they would work. Just a little more effort and I would be successful, happy, at peace, or whatever goal was active at the moment. The problem was that my instinctive reactions always kept me in the same place.

I now understand why most people don’t really change after they reach 21. Unraveling the threads of emotion that create our current reality can be incredibly painful. It was for me. Even after understanding and addressing the emotional events that created my patterns of perpetual mediocrity, it is still a challenge to change. I did all of the deep personal, spiritual, and psychological work and still found it difficult to really let go and follow a different path.

I think this is why I created the year of living intentionally and the daily blog. Somehow, I knew that without some sense of accountability, I would be in the same place next year – planning but not implementing, thinking about change but not changing. All the time, waiting on something to fall from the sky.

Chasing my dreams using my old patterns of thinking and action is like Patton chasing the birds. It is time to stop the madness and build a new pathway to success. It is time to turn off the auto pilot and take hold of the wheel. This is what this year is all about.