Day Twenty Five
A part of being intentional is learning to live in the trenches to get things done. I think about how many times me and billions of others have started things and not stayed in the trenches. Those who live intentionally have known for a while what I am just learning. In the past, I lacked the burning desire to really dig in and finish what I had started. It was easy to just let it drift away – not intentionally stop – just find other things to get in the way or take a higher priority.
This year in the trenches, I am pushing to make things happen. It is not pushing to make artificial things happen. It is pushing to make me happen – to change the patterns and let the real me emerge. At the base is a confidence that I can see the other side. As Paul said in the New Testament, “it is the belief that someone has created something of infinite value in me and I want to manifest it.” I want the other side. I am willing to do what is not so comfortable now to have what is possible in the future. It is a different way of thinking and acting.
We head into the Easter weekend and I look forward to a time of celebrating new birth. I already feel like the stone has been rolled away from the tomb of my own heart and mind. The grave cloths may be there, but the body is gone.
May the gift of the resurrection become real in your life as you allow something old to die so that something new can be born. More on that tomorrow.
Wednesday, March 31, 2010
Monday, March 29, 2010
Day Twenty Four
It is almost the end of March. Technically, I started on March 28, so we are into this a month. The thought for this day is walking by faith. I have always found that phrase a rather trite religious phrase that had little meaning for me, until recently. Most of the time when I have heard it over the years, it was used as a way to deny responsibility or give up control of the things that are clearly within your control. I now have a real and relevant meeting for me personally.
Walking by faith means going as far as you can see with the belief that you will be able to see farther once you get to that point. It has played out over and over during the past ten months. It has finally made a believer out of me. If you have been reading these blogs you know that it has been an extremely challenging time for us economically. When I make a commitment to get healthy emotionally I made a no turning back commitment. Even if it killed me physically or we went belly up economically, I was not going to turn back.
Strangely, during that time, we always found enough money to pay the bills. We still have a huge hill to climb to get to even ground, but I have now come to believe in this path. The same has been true with connections. I asked someone to be my business mentor. That relationship led to a long term contract helping his organization is some strategic areas. Tyler is home from school waiting to see what happens on his journey. During that time he is pumped about the father and son stuff. He is doing the leg work and planning now that can lead us into the future.
This weekend, I could have easily fallen into the pit of despair, but I made a conscious choice not to do so. Instead, I made a choice to believe that things would work out and focus on the things that were within my control. When I focused on what was clearly within my control and let the rest take care of itself, it did in fact work out.
Then, I stumbled on the Matrix again. I have not watched it in a couple of years. Reading it was like reading the story of Jesus or the writings of the medicine men. I was reminded of how we make the commitment to go on the journey, not knowing what the end destination will be. It is a choice. It is a choice that requires more than 30 days of focus. We are just about finished with the first 30 days. It is time for round 2 – April.
It is almost the end of March. Technically, I started on March 28, so we are into this a month. The thought for this day is walking by faith. I have always found that phrase a rather trite religious phrase that had little meaning for me, until recently. Most of the time when I have heard it over the years, it was used as a way to deny responsibility or give up control of the things that are clearly within your control. I now have a real and relevant meeting for me personally.
Walking by faith means going as far as you can see with the belief that you will be able to see farther once you get to that point. It has played out over and over during the past ten months. It has finally made a believer out of me. If you have been reading these blogs you know that it has been an extremely challenging time for us economically. When I make a commitment to get healthy emotionally I made a no turning back commitment. Even if it killed me physically or we went belly up economically, I was not going to turn back.
Strangely, during that time, we always found enough money to pay the bills. We still have a huge hill to climb to get to even ground, but I have now come to believe in this path. The same has been true with connections. I asked someone to be my business mentor. That relationship led to a long term contract helping his organization is some strategic areas. Tyler is home from school waiting to see what happens on his journey. During that time he is pumped about the father and son stuff. He is doing the leg work and planning now that can lead us into the future.
This weekend, I could have easily fallen into the pit of despair, but I made a conscious choice not to do so. Instead, I made a choice to believe that things would work out and focus on the things that were within my control. When I focused on what was clearly within my control and let the rest take care of itself, it did in fact work out.
Then, I stumbled on the Matrix again. I have not watched it in a couple of years. Reading it was like reading the story of Jesus or the writings of the medicine men. I was reminded of how we make the commitment to go on the journey, not knowing what the end destination will be. It is a choice. It is a choice that requires more than 30 days of focus. We are just about finished with the first 30 days. It is time for round 2 – April.
Saturday, March 27, 2010
Day Twenty Three
A wonderful spiritual awakening has occurred during this first month of living intentionally. I will expound on this in the days ahead, but here is the essence of it. I began teaching a Sunday School class of graduate students and undergraduate students at our church, First Presbyterian in Athens, GA in March. I have always enjoyed teaching, but was frankly amazed at how much I have enjoyed teaching this class and interacting with the participant. It lead to an opportunity to speak at a group on campus last week. That also was a very energizing experience.
I think that what is finally happening is that I am moving past the inward journey and now into the outward journey. My whole journey for the past few years has been a spiritual journey at the core. For most of the past few years it has been the inward journey. Now, the challenge is to live it.
Studying today for our lesson tomorrow has me even more curious about what is really underneath the teachings of Jesus. My journey over the past ten years has explored many spiritual paths. I find it invigorating to find my journey as a Christian to be renewed, but in a very different way that the one I grew up with. The study of other spiritual paths has helped me to find something deeper in the teachings of Jesus than what I have been taught over the years. Even my seminary days.
A wonderful spiritual awakening has occurred during this first month of living intentionally. I will expound on this in the days ahead, but here is the essence of it. I began teaching a Sunday School class of graduate students and undergraduate students at our church, First Presbyterian in Athens, GA in March. I have always enjoyed teaching, but was frankly amazed at how much I have enjoyed teaching this class and interacting with the participant. It lead to an opportunity to speak at a group on campus last week. That also was a very energizing experience.
I think that what is finally happening is that I am moving past the inward journey and now into the outward journey. My whole journey for the past few years has been a spiritual journey at the core. For most of the past few years it has been the inward journey. Now, the challenge is to live it.
Studying today for our lesson tomorrow has me even more curious about what is really underneath the teachings of Jesus. My journey over the past ten years has explored many spiritual paths. I find it invigorating to find my journey as a Christian to be renewed, but in a very different way that the one I grew up with. The study of other spiritual paths has helped me to find something deeper in the teachings of Jesus than what I have been taught over the years. Even my seminary days.
Friday, March 26, 2010
Thursday, March 25, 2010
Day Twenty One
A few days ago I faced another thing to change in my life – starting but not finishing – big burst of energy at the beginning but fizzling before things get moving. I have zigged and zagged so much in my 56 years it makes my head spin.
Tyler, my 23 year old son, is working with me for a while as he determines what he will do with his young life. He is excited about helping us get the father/son material in a finished form to sell. We talked about what he wants from our working relationship. He sounded the gong loud and clear – don’t zig and zag.
Patty sounded the same gong a few days ago. Maybe I ought to start listening.
I actually have been listening the past couple of days. I am understanding why, also. Zigging and zagging were my way of avoiding things. It was my way of avoiding my own fear of being great. It was my way of staying in a perpetual state of anxiety. The past couple of days I have found amazing calm in my life amid all of the chaos.
I am finishing the drill. I am completing the projects. When the year is over, I will be surprised at where I am. Or, maybe I wont. Maybe I really do know what would happen if I became very intentional.
The more that I live intentionally, the more I realize that we create our own reality. I see more and more how my thoughts are creating what I am experiencing. I see how my actions are a manifestation of what is inside me. Experiencing the change internally and watching the change externally is pretty cool.
A few days ago I faced another thing to change in my life – starting but not finishing – big burst of energy at the beginning but fizzling before things get moving. I have zigged and zagged so much in my 56 years it makes my head spin.
Tyler, my 23 year old son, is working with me for a while as he determines what he will do with his young life. He is excited about helping us get the father/son material in a finished form to sell. We talked about what he wants from our working relationship. He sounded the gong loud and clear – don’t zig and zag.
Patty sounded the same gong a few days ago. Maybe I ought to start listening.
I actually have been listening the past couple of days. I am understanding why, also. Zigging and zagging were my way of avoiding things. It was my way of avoiding my own fear of being great. It was my way of staying in a perpetual state of anxiety. The past couple of days I have found amazing calm in my life amid all of the chaos.
I am finishing the drill. I am completing the projects. When the year is over, I will be surprised at where I am. Or, maybe I wont. Maybe I really do know what would happen if I became very intentional.
The more that I live intentionally, the more I realize that we create our own reality. I see more and more how my thoughts are creating what I am experiencing. I see how my actions are a manifestation of what is inside me. Experiencing the change internally and watching the change externally is pretty cool.
Tuesday, March 23, 2010
Day Twenty
I did something tremendously fun last night. PF Gay is in charge of the Intervarsity work with fraternities and sororities at the University of Georgia. Intervarsity is a Christian group that works on college campuses with students. PF met Patty, my wife, a few weeks ago and Patty suggested that she get in touch with me. After we talked for a while she invited me to speak at their weekly event.
I spoke at their meeting last night. It was a great time. The small crowd enabled me to interact with the group throughout the presentation, which is something that I always enjoy doing.
A couple of worthy insights occurred last night that are worth sharing. The first is that one of my major gifts is when I am in front of a group that is eager to learn. It is electrifying for me and it creates a dynamic time for the participants. They certainly seemed to be engaged.
That was a good affirmation, but I knew that already. The second insight was really more powerful. One of the most difficult parts of living intentionally is living in the moment. Most of us, including me, spend more time living in the past and the future than in the moment – the only time that we actually have. Speaking to the students last night, I was completely in the moment. I was only focused on them and creating an environment for them to learn.
Living in the moment is both a choice that we make and also a skill that must be learned. I find it easy to be pulled into the past – fears, worries, concerns. It is equally easy to be thrust forward into the future – spending the current moment thinking about the future rather than doing the things that will actually manifest the future we want.
I have found that every time I am fully in the moment, I am most productive, happiest, and most successful. It is cool when you can learn from the obvious.
I did something tremendously fun last night. PF Gay is in charge of the Intervarsity work with fraternities and sororities at the University of Georgia. Intervarsity is a Christian group that works on college campuses with students. PF met Patty, my wife, a few weeks ago and Patty suggested that she get in touch with me. After we talked for a while she invited me to speak at their weekly event.
I spoke at their meeting last night. It was a great time. The small crowd enabled me to interact with the group throughout the presentation, which is something that I always enjoy doing.
A couple of worthy insights occurred last night that are worth sharing. The first is that one of my major gifts is when I am in front of a group that is eager to learn. It is electrifying for me and it creates a dynamic time for the participants. They certainly seemed to be engaged.
That was a good affirmation, but I knew that already. The second insight was really more powerful. One of the most difficult parts of living intentionally is living in the moment. Most of us, including me, spend more time living in the past and the future than in the moment – the only time that we actually have. Speaking to the students last night, I was completely in the moment. I was only focused on them and creating an environment for them to learn.
Living in the moment is both a choice that we make and also a skill that must be learned. I find it easy to be pulled into the past – fears, worries, concerns. It is equally easy to be thrust forward into the future – spending the current moment thinking about the future rather than doing the things that will actually manifest the future we want.
I have found that every time I am fully in the moment, I am most productive, happiest, and most successful. It is cool when you can learn from the obvious.
Monday, March 22, 2010
Day Nineteen
The year of living intentionally is doing exactly what I hoped it would do - pushing me beyond my comfort zone to manifest a new future. The one thing that I observe about people, me included, is that most of us stay in our comfort zone, even if our comfort zone is not really comfortable. The fear of the unknown can make cowards of us all (A slight modification of Shakespeare).
Those who do great things, though, push themselves intentionally out of their comfort zone. My 56 years have been spent mostly in the comfort zone. I have done good things, but I have not come close to what I am capable of becoming. Who I was created to be has not been manifested in its fullness.
This is what keeps pushing me forward. At this point I want to see how good I really can be. I want to see what life outside of the comfort zone is like.
A predictable pattern occurs when I step outside my comfort zone. Every few steps pushing forward are countered by a pull back toward the old comfort zone. It is like a yoyo, pushing forward and feeling the pull back. Old beliefs and patterns do not die easy.
There is one point in the New Testament (Romans) where Paul confesses that he does the things that he does not want to do and doesn’t do the things that he wants to do. I know how the guy feels.
What is positive, though, is that every few steps does put me a little further out of the comfort zone, even if I get pulled backwards some.
I had another major insight Sunday morning. I was in that sleepy zone where I was not quite awake and not quite asleep. During that time a thought popped out. It was something that had been lying around under the doubt and fear, waiting for the right moment to pop up.
Over the years I have tried to do too many things at one time. All of them are good, but the problem is that none of them get refined and finished. Then, they don’t get marketed. I know the psychological reasons behind this and have addressed them, but they don’t die easy. Whenever I start new things, I quickly can overwhelm myself. Whether it is me trying to do it all myself or trying to do too many projects at one time, the outcome is the same – almost finished projects, unmarketed material, no growth.
What occurred to me Sunday was that I can’t do everything. I knew it intellectually, but it really sunk in emotionally in that sleepy state of consciousness. It clicked. Maybe, just as importantly, I realized that I don’t want to do everything. I don’t want to be fabulous at everything. I want to be fabulous at what I am passionate about.
There are some things that must be left behind if the journey forward is to be abundant.
If I can’t do everything, then what do I want to do? The answer for me is simple – developing people. I am good at facilitating meetings, but I don’t really get excited about that. I am good at general leadership training, but it doesn’t push my button. What I do get excited about is helping people find the path to a new and more exciting life.
We have a long way to go, but the path is getting clearer.
The year of living intentionally is doing exactly what I hoped it would do - pushing me beyond my comfort zone to manifest a new future. The one thing that I observe about people, me included, is that most of us stay in our comfort zone, even if our comfort zone is not really comfortable. The fear of the unknown can make cowards of us all (A slight modification of Shakespeare).
Those who do great things, though, push themselves intentionally out of their comfort zone. My 56 years have been spent mostly in the comfort zone. I have done good things, but I have not come close to what I am capable of becoming. Who I was created to be has not been manifested in its fullness.
This is what keeps pushing me forward. At this point I want to see how good I really can be. I want to see what life outside of the comfort zone is like.
A predictable pattern occurs when I step outside my comfort zone. Every few steps pushing forward are countered by a pull back toward the old comfort zone. It is like a yoyo, pushing forward and feeling the pull back. Old beliefs and patterns do not die easy.
There is one point in the New Testament (Romans) where Paul confesses that he does the things that he does not want to do and doesn’t do the things that he wants to do. I know how the guy feels.
What is positive, though, is that every few steps does put me a little further out of the comfort zone, even if I get pulled backwards some.
I had another major insight Sunday morning. I was in that sleepy zone where I was not quite awake and not quite asleep. During that time a thought popped out. It was something that had been lying around under the doubt and fear, waiting for the right moment to pop up.
Over the years I have tried to do too many things at one time. All of them are good, but the problem is that none of them get refined and finished. Then, they don’t get marketed. I know the psychological reasons behind this and have addressed them, but they don’t die easy. Whenever I start new things, I quickly can overwhelm myself. Whether it is me trying to do it all myself or trying to do too many projects at one time, the outcome is the same – almost finished projects, unmarketed material, no growth.
What occurred to me Sunday was that I can’t do everything. I knew it intellectually, but it really sunk in emotionally in that sleepy state of consciousness. It clicked. Maybe, just as importantly, I realized that I don’t want to do everything. I don’t want to be fabulous at everything. I want to be fabulous at what I am passionate about.
There are some things that must be left behind if the journey forward is to be abundant.
If I can’t do everything, then what do I want to do? The answer for me is simple – developing people. I am good at facilitating meetings, but I don’t really get excited about that. I am good at general leadership training, but it doesn’t push my button. What I do get excited about is helping people find the path to a new and more exciting life.
We have a long way to go, but the path is getting clearer.
Saturday, March 20, 2010
Day Eighteen
Last night Pete Chamberlin gave his wife, Genie, a surprise birthday party. The fact that Pete could pull off a surprise party for Genie is amazing. Genie knows virtually everyone in Athens. You would have thought that someone would slip up and say something.
As I think about the evening there were many expressions of living intentionally. Their house is built intentionally for entertaining, which Genie and Pete love to do. It is an open flowing house. Two French doors open to the front porch allowing people to mix and mingle. It was easy to accommodate the 100 plus people that were there.
Genie is one of the most caring persons I know. Plus, she has one of the most diverse friend groups that I have ever seen. There were friends in their 20s, 30s, 40s, 50s, and beyond. It is a statement of her genuine interest in people, her many interests and activities, and the way in which she intentionally stays connected with others.
For me personally, the party was a time to reconnect with friends, many I have not seen for a few years. Many of us at the party went to church together for a number of years.
There were neat conversations with men about our men’s weekend coming up in April. To all of our surprise, David Kopp, a judge in Green County, created a band and played at the party. None of us knew that he played his way through college with a band. Ken Parker and I reminisced about ten days we spent together in France fifteen years ago traveling through the Vogue Mountains. We also discovered that one of our friends son, Matt, is engaged.
Maybe the most powerful awareness was seeing the strength and joy that comes when you stay connected to friends. Loving and caring friends bring out the best in you. They encourage you to push beyond where you are to what you can be. They love you, not because of what you have done but for who you are. We would all be better if we learned to love ourselves in that same way.
I am thankful for my friends. As I move through this year, I am excited about building an even stronger community of friends to share the journey.
Last night Pete Chamberlin gave his wife, Genie, a surprise birthday party. The fact that Pete could pull off a surprise party for Genie is amazing. Genie knows virtually everyone in Athens. You would have thought that someone would slip up and say something.
As I think about the evening there were many expressions of living intentionally. Their house is built intentionally for entertaining, which Genie and Pete love to do. It is an open flowing house. Two French doors open to the front porch allowing people to mix and mingle. It was easy to accommodate the 100 plus people that were there.
Genie is one of the most caring persons I know. Plus, she has one of the most diverse friend groups that I have ever seen. There were friends in their 20s, 30s, 40s, 50s, and beyond. It is a statement of her genuine interest in people, her many interests and activities, and the way in which she intentionally stays connected with others.
For me personally, the party was a time to reconnect with friends, many I have not seen for a few years. Many of us at the party went to church together for a number of years.
There were neat conversations with men about our men’s weekend coming up in April. To all of our surprise, David Kopp, a judge in Green County, created a band and played at the party. None of us knew that he played his way through college with a band. Ken Parker and I reminisced about ten days we spent together in France fifteen years ago traveling through the Vogue Mountains. We also discovered that one of our friends son, Matt, is engaged.
Maybe the most powerful awareness was seeing the strength and joy that comes when you stay connected to friends. Loving and caring friends bring out the best in you. They encourage you to push beyond where you are to what you can be. They love you, not because of what you have done but for who you are. We would all be better if we learned to love ourselves in that same way.
I am thankful for my friends. As I move through this year, I am excited about building an even stronger community of friends to share the journey.
Thursday, March 18, 2010
Day Seventeen
One of my goals this year is the development of a network of men committed to doing great things in this world and inspiring the next generation to do the same. This goal is taking shape in a great way. April 9 & 10, at our barn, will be the first convening of men, young and old, who want to create this new brotherhood.
This group will celebrate what it means to be a man today. Our goal is to create a setting that inspires each of us to grow, explore, and become energized for the continued journey through manhood. By fostering positive accountability and pushing each other to challenge our own limits, we will move beyond effective leaders, and become exceptional leaders, in our families, our workplaces, and our communities.
Our first attendees have signed up, and more will come. We will build it, and they will come. Why? Because there are men that want a relevant and constructive community of fellow men who inspire them to be great and do great things.
Intentionality will take a more powerful form at this gathering. The first invitations went out this week. In the past I talked about getting men together but never did it. The most exciting thing will be watching the evolution of this brotherhood and the impact that it will have on the lives of people in the years to come.
If you know of men that would find this brotherhood rewarding, send them our way.
One of my goals this year is the development of a network of men committed to doing great things in this world and inspiring the next generation to do the same. This goal is taking shape in a great way. April 9 & 10, at our barn, will be the first convening of men, young and old, who want to create this new brotherhood.
This group will celebrate what it means to be a man today. Our goal is to create a setting that inspires each of us to grow, explore, and become energized for the continued journey through manhood. By fostering positive accountability and pushing each other to challenge our own limits, we will move beyond effective leaders, and become exceptional leaders, in our families, our workplaces, and our communities.
Our first attendees have signed up, and more will come. We will build it, and they will come. Why? Because there are men that want a relevant and constructive community of fellow men who inspire them to be great and do great things.
Intentionality will take a more powerful form at this gathering. The first invitations went out this week. In the past I talked about getting men together but never did it. The most exciting thing will be watching the evolution of this brotherhood and the impact that it will have on the lives of people in the years to come.
If you know of men that would find this brotherhood rewarding, send them our way.
Day Sixteen
Toward the end of spring break the word “fearless” kept resurfacing in my thoughts. After playing with the word a few times, I realized it would symbolize the year of living intentionally. Being intentional is a challenge. It is easy, as I discovered yesterday when writing the letter with Tyler, to slip back into safe modes of thinking. To be intentional and manifest your dreams and goals you must become fearless.
When the word really came alive in my thoughts I realized that it is one of the few “less” words that is positive. The others – hopeless, thoughtless, and most of the other “less” words are negative words. The word fearless literally means to be without fear. All of us have fears from time to time, we cannot simply eliminate fears. The question is what do we do with our fears?
Do our fears control us or are we able to control our fears? Do we act out of our fears or do we act having overcome our fears? Do we let our fears create stumbling blocks or do we move forward in spite of those fears? When we face our fears and relinquish their control over us, we begin the journey to fearless living.
Being fearless is a choice, an act. It is choosing to act because we know that there is something greater and more important than our fear – courage, faith, hope, love, impact. Last night I was alone at home for supper. I took my meal into the den to watch a movie for a few minutes. I chose “The Longest Yard,” the updated version with Adam Sandler. The idea was mindless entertainment for a few minutes before I started the evening work.
Adam Sandler’s character is a Super Bowl MVP quarterback who was banned from football because he intentionally lost a game. In gambling language he “threw the game.” His life spiraled down. After a drunk driving arrest he was put in prison for three years. The prison warden was a huge football fan who created a good semi-pro football team composed of the security guards. The inmates talk the guards into playing a game that you later discover is televised by ESPN. The guard team is a powerhouse. The inmate team is supposed to get trampled.
The inmates make a game of it. At half, the warden tells Adam Sandler to throw the game or he will spend the next 25 years in prison. In the third quarter Sandler does just that. The guards take a comfortable three touchdown lead. The inmates realize that Sandler is throwing the game and let him get tackled hard a number of times. Finally, in the fourth quarter he realizes that he can’t throw the game. He admits to the inmates that he did throw the game in the NFL because he was in debt to the mob. “I don’t want to do that again,” he says.
The team rallies and wins the game in the final seconds. Because Adam Sandler’s character became fearless, he rallied this own team around him. It was mindless entertainment, but it reminded me of the power that comes when one person becomes fearless.
Toward the end of spring break the word “fearless” kept resurfacing in my thoughts. After playing with the word a few times, I realized it would symbolize the year of living intentionally. Being intentional is a challenge. It is easy, as I discovered yesterday when writing the letter with Tyler, to slip back into safe modes of thinking. To be intentional and manifest your dreams and goals you must become fearless.
When the word really came alive in my thoughts I realized that it is one of the few “less” words that is positive. The others – hopeless, thoughtless, and most of the other “less” words are negative words. The word fearless literally means to be without fear. All of us have fears from time to time, we cannot simply eliminate fears. The question is what do we do with our fears?
Do our fears control us or are we able to control our fears? Do we act out of our fears or do we act having overcome our fears? Do we let our fears create stumbling blocks or do we move forward in spite of those fears? When we face our fears and relinquish their control over us, we begin the journey to fearless living.
Being fearless is a choice, an act. It is choosing to act because we know that there is something greater and more important than our fear – courage, faith, hope, love, impact. Last night I was alone at home for supper. I took my meal into the den to watch a movie for a few minutes. I chose “The Longest Yard,” the updated version with Adam Sandler. The idea was mindless entertainment for a few minutes before I started the evening work.
Adam Sandler’s character is a Super Bowl MVP quarterback who was banned from football because he intentionally lost a game. In gambling language he “threw the game.” His life spiraled down. After a drunk driving arrest he was put in prison for three years. The prison warden was a huge football fan who created a good semi-pro football team composed of the security guards. The inmates talk the guards into playing a game that you later discover is televised by ESPN. The guard team is a powerhouse. The inmate team is supposed to get trampled.
The inmates make a game of it. At half, the warden tells Adam Sandler to throw the game or he will spend the next 25 years in prison. In the third quarter Sandler does just that. The guards take a comfortable three touchdown lead. The inmates realize that Sandler is throwing the game and let him get tackled hard a number of times. Finally, in the fourth quarter he realizes that he can’t throw the game. He admits to the inmates that he did throw the game in the NFL because he was in debt to the mob. “I don’t want to do that again,” he says.
The team rallies and wins the game in the final seconds. Because Adam Sandler’s character became fearless, he rallied this own team around him. It was mindless entertainment, but it reminded me of the power that comes when one person becomes fearless.
Tuesday, March 16, 2010
Day Fifteen
Today was a great day. My current client is a great team of people and a joy to work with. It is exciting to contribute in a small way to a great organization. It was also a great day because I re-energized my intentionality after spring break.
Making decisions about being intentional is easy in a relaxed environment such as vacation. The real test comes when you get back to your daily routine at work or at home. In the past, my first day back from vacation was filled with anxiety. Not yesterday. It was busy, but no anxiety. I knew I was on the right path.
Today, the power of writing down your goals and actions became apparent. During spring break I got off track in regards to the personal fitness goals. It was great to relax for a week. Eat what you want and exercise as little as you want. It was also great to refocus today. One key for me is writing down what I eat and the exercise I do. Putting it in print forces me to be more intentional. It worked today. I planned my meals better. During the day I spaced my meals and managed my portions better.
I spent a few minutes exercising today. It would have been easy to skip exercise. Leaving a blank on the exercise page was not what I wanted to do, however. Even though it was only 25 minutes, it started the ball rolling again. Tomorrow I enter the torture chamber when I do a 50 minute aerobics workout. The teacher is intense! (I hope she is reading this.)
On the ride home I spent 30 minutes catching up with a good friend via phone.
Tyler, my son who just graduated from Sewanee, is working with me. This evening we were crafting an invitation to a men’s weekend experience we are leading at our house on April 9 & 10. I wrote the first draft. When he reviewed it he said, “Dad, we need to be bolder in this letter.” I immediately realized that he was right. In my first draft I was “playing it safe.” The second draft will have much more punch. The time for playing it safe is past. It is time for fearless living.
Today was a great day. My current client is a great team of people and a joy to work with. It is exciting to contribute in a small way to a great organization. It was also a great day because I re-energized my intentionality after spring break.
Making decisions about being intentional is easy in a relaxed environment such as vacation. The real test comes when you get back to your daily routine at work or at home. In the past, my first day back from vacation was filled with anxiety. Not yesterday. It was busy, but no anxiety. I knew I was on the right path.
Today, the power of writing down your goals and actions became apparent. During spring break I got off track in regards to the personal fitness goals. It was great to relax for a week. Eat what you want and exercise as little as you want. It was also great to refocus today. One key for me is writing down what I eat and the exercise I do. Putting it in print forces me to be more intentional. It worked today. I planned my meals better. During the day I spaced my meals and managed my portions better.
I spent a few minutes exercising today. It would have been easy to skip exercise. Leaving a blank on the exercise page was not what I wanted to do, however. Even though it was only 25 minutes, it started the ball rolling again. Tomorrow I enter the torture chamber when I do a 50 minute aerobics workout. The teacher is intense! (I hope she is reading this.)
On the ride home I spent 30 minutes catching up with a good friend via phone.
Tyler, my son who just graduated from Sewanee, is working with me. This evening we were crafting an invitation to a men’s weekend experience we are leading at our house on April 9 & 10. I wrote the first draft. When he reviewed it he said, “Dad, we need to be bolder in this letter.” I immediately realized that he was right. In my first draft I was “playing it safe.” The second draft will have much more punch. The time for playing it safe is past. It is time for fearless living.
Monday, March 15, 2010
Day Fourteen
A few years ago Drew, my oldest son, recommended a book, The Alchemist, by Paulo Coelho. I found the book on CD and listened to it at least four times. If you have not read it, you should. It is a very inspirational book.
The key premise of the book is the following – when your personal legend (your calling) becomes clear and you embrace it, the whole world conspires to help you achieve it. That is a slight paraphrase, but the essence of the idea.
I look back over the past two years and realize that this principle has in fact been active in my life, often with me assuming at the time that it was just luck. I was working in a niche that would never help me become who I was created to be. Don’t get me wrong. I had some great clients. They helped me grow and I helped them grow. I have some dear friends as a result of those relationships. But the larger niche was not the place for me to manifest my calling.
When the economic crisis hit, that market disappeared, period. I look back now and realize that my business was struggling not really because of the economy. It was struggling because I was running from things. When I decided that I no longer wanted to run, things began to happen.
One of the first things I did was ask for help. I did it on two occasions. One was particularly helpful for Drew, and the other was extremely helpful for me. My friend Kit Landry helped me to find that sacred space where I could get back to past events that were sabotaging my present and future. The transformational time with Kit opened the door for me to begin cleaning out my closet. Once I realized that I wasn’t going to die when I faced my fears, I found the confidence to explore more and more and more. In my own words, “Whatever was in there, I wanted to get out.”
On another occasion I asked the best business man I know to be my business mentor. He was kind enough to say yes. He watched me through all of my career struggles and never once criticized me. He always asked probing questions that moved me to the next point. Then, when I discovered what I did want to do, I had the opportunity to help him do some key things in his business.
And then there were the times when people stepped in to help financially.
Here is the point. Once I started on the journey, stuff began to happen. I wish I could explain it in logical and rational terms. All of the events had logical rationale, but over time, I began to notice the pattern. When there was a gap, the gap would be filled. When there was a need, someone or something would step in the gap. Those who are religious would call it God. Those who are not religious would call it creating my own reality, luck or something else.
Whatever the source, I found myself one day believing that the journey would be completed. Instead of panicking, I began looking for the next opportunity. In some cases things came out of the blue. In other cases, they happened because of my actions.
Here is the point, with a story. When I was an associate pastor at First Baptist Church in Auburn, Alabama, Gerald Johnson was the head of the Political Science Department at Auburn University and a member of the church. A great man.
One day we were talking, and he said, “John, I am never sure what is God’s Will, fate, chance, or random acts, so I always have to be on my toes.” I have embraced his philosophy. Whether the world conspires to help you, like The Alchemist says, whether you create it yourself, or it is completely the act of God, I don’t know.
I do know that once I began to believe that the future was going to happen, it began to sprout.
The blog, I realize, was just one more step in that journey. Up to that point, my journey had been the inward journey. I addressed everything obstacle I could find internally. I still was not being proactive in my outward life, though. This blog was my call, or God’s call, for me to move from the inside journey to the outside journey. For me, it was not enough to clean the heart and find love. There was a deep call for me to share that grace and help others find their path.
That required a level of boldness, though, that I was not prepared to exhibit at that moment. It took a couple of months for me to warm up to the idea. The accountability associated with the blog, though, and the feedback from those who read it have been the next push to create the outward journey.
The future is being manifest even as I type. My prayer is that I have the courage to speak and act boldly to bring that future into the present. My prayer is also that I have the eyes to see the actions that need to happen to build that future.
A few years ago Drew, my oldest son, recommended a book, The Alchemist, by Paulo Coelho. I found the book on CD and listened to it at least four times. If you have not read it, you should. It is a very inspirational book.
The key premise of the book is the following – when your personal legend (your calling) becomes clear and you embrace it, the whole world conspires to help you achieve it. That is a slight paraphrase, but the essence of the idea.
I look back over the past two years and realize that this principle has in fact been active in my life, often with me assuming at the time that it was just luck. I was working in a niche that would never help me become who I was created to be. Don’t get me wrong. I had some great clients. They helped me grow and I helped them grow. I have some dear friends as a result of those relationships. But the larger niche was not the place for me to manifest my calling.
When the economic crisis hit, that market disappeared, period. I look back now and realize that my business was struggling not really because of the economy. It was struggling because I was running from things. When I decided that I no longer wanted to run, things began to happen.
One of the first things I did was ask for help. I did it on two occasions. One was particularly helpful for Drew, and the other was extremely helpful for me. My friend Kit Landry helped me to find that sacred space where I could get back to past events that were sabotaging my present and future. The transformational time with Kit opened the door for me to begin cleaning out my closet. Once I realized that I wasn’t going to die when I faced my fears, I found the confidence to explore more and more and more. In my own words, “Whatever was in there, I wanted to get out.”
On another occasion I asked the best business man I know to be my business mentor. He was kind enough to say yes. He watched me through all of my career struggles and never once criticized me. He always asked probing questions that moved me to the next point. Then, when I discovered what I did want to do, I had the opportunity to help him do some key things in his business.
And then there were the times when people stepped in to help financially.
Here is the point. Once I started on the journey, stuff began to happen. I wish I could explain it in logical and rational terms. All of the events had logical rationale, but over time, I began to notice the pattern. When there was a gap, the gap would be filled. When there was a need, someone or something would step in the gap. Those who are religious would call it God. Those who are not religious would call it creating my own reality, luck or something else.
Whatever the source, I found myself one day believing that the journey would be completed. Instead of panicking, I began looking for the next opportunity. In some cases things came out of the blue. In other cases, they happened because of my actions.
Here is the point, with a story. When I was an associate pastor at First Baptist Church in Auburn, Alabama, Gerald Johnson was the head of the Political Science Department at Auburn University and a member of the church. A great man.
One day we were talking, and he said, “John, I am never sure what is God’s Will, fate, chance, or random acts, so I always have to be on my toes.” I have embraced his philosophy. Whether the world conspires to help you, like The Alchemist says, whether you create it yourself, or it is completely the act of God, I don’t know.
I do know that once I began to believe that the future was going to happen, it began to sprout.
The blog, I realize, was just one more step in that journey. Up to that point, my journey had been the inward journey. I addressed everything obstacle I could find internally. I still was not being proactive in my outward life, though. This blog was my call, or God’s call, for me to move from the inside journey to the outside journey. For me, it was not enough to clean the heart and find love. There was a deep call for me to share that grace and help others find their path.
That required a level of boldness, though, that I was not prepared to exhibit at that moment. It took a couple of months for me to warm up to the idea. The accountability associated with the blog, though, and the feedback from those who read it have been the next push to create the outward journey.
The future is being manifest even as I type. My prayer is that I have the courage to speak and act boldly to bring that future into the present. My prayer is also that I have the eyes to see the actions that need to happen to build that future.
Saturday, March 13, 2010
Day Thirteen
Spring Break was a tremendous week for us. It was a needed time of rest. I took a nap every afternoon. One day I slept in the hammock for six hours. I probably needed more rest that I originally thought.
As is always the case on vacation, I had time to think. That always gets my mental juices flowing. I came back with stronger resolve than ever to be very intentional this year. It was actually the last night that made me realize that the year would be even more amazing than I initially thought.
A number of years ago, I met with a great therapist, Tom Camp. During our visits, I described where I was emotionally in the following way.
“I feel like I am on the edge of a building ready to jump and fly, but something kept pulling me back to the roof. I will soar for a short while, but then the cord catching and I get pulled back.” I never fully resolved the things that pulled me back to the roof during those visits, but at least I understood what was happening.
Over the past few years I have clipping the cords that were pulling me back, one at a time. Friday morning I had a very different dream. I have learned to pay attention to my dreams and thoughts during the early morning hours. This is usually a time of good insight for me. I had the same dream about being on the edge of the building and jumping. This time, though, I flew – no strings attached to pull me back. I soared, spinning, doing loops, and rocketing up. It was the inner signal that I was being propelled upward and onward, not back to some fearful past.
My story has changed.
During the next few days I will write about some of the new thoughts and plans for this year. When I look back I realize that for the past year or so I have been doing some things different - most of them unconscious. Everything has been converging to create a new future.
Spring Break was a tremendous week for us. It was a needed time of rest. I took a nap every afternoon. One day I slept in the hammock for six hours. I probably needed more rest that I originally thought.
As is always the case on vacation, I had time to think. That always gets my mental juices flowing. I came back with stronger resolve than ever to be very intentional this year. It was actually the last night that made me realize that the year would be even more amazing than I initially thought.
A number of years ago, I met with a great therapist, Tom Camp. During our visits, I described where I was emotionally in the following way.
“I feel like I am on the edge of a building ready to jump and fly, but something kept pulling me back to the roof. I will soar for a short while, but then the cord catching and I get pulled back.” I never fully resolved the things that pulled me back to the roof during those visits, but at least I understood what was happening.
Over the past few years I have clipping the cords that were pulling me back, one at a time. Friday morning I had a very different dream. I have learned to pay attention to my dreams and thoughts during the early morning hours. This is usually a time of good insight for me. I had the same dream about being on the edge of the building and jumping. This time, though, I flew – no strings attached to pull me back. I soared, spinning, doing loops, and rocketing up. It was the inner signal that I was being propelled upward and onward, not back to some fearful past.
My story has changed.
During the next few days I will write about some of the new thoughts and plans for this year. When I look back I realize that for the past year or so I have been doing some things different - most of them unconscious. Everything has been converging to create a new future.
Day Twelve I will confess that I have an ulterior motive for the blog. I know that being intentional throughout the year will be a challenge. It is hard enough for me to stay focused for a week, let alone a year. Getting feedback from others helps me stay focused. Also, my hope is that by sharing my journey it will also help others on their journey. The good news is that it is working.
I received a reply from a Lara, a woman that we have known for many years now. She shared a story from Mitch Albom’s book, “Have a Little Faith,” that I thought was worth sharing.
“A man seeks employment on a farm. He hands his letter of recommendation to his new employer. It reads simply, "He sleeps in a storm." The owner is desperate for help, so he hires the man.
Several weeks pass, and suddenly, in the middle of the night, a powerful storm rips through the valley. Awakened by the swirling rain and howling wind, the owner leaps out of bed. He calls for his new hired hand, but the man is sleeping soundly. So he dashes off to the barn. He sees, to his amazement, that the animals are secure with plenty of feed. He runs out to the field. He sees the bales of wheat have been bound and are wrapped in tarpaulins. He races to the silo. The doors are latched, and the grain is dry. And then he understands. "He sleeps in a storm".
My friends, if we tend to the things that are important in life, if we are right with those we love and behave in line with our faith, our lives will not be cursed with the aching throb of unfulfilled business. Our words will always be sincere, our embraces will be tight. We will never wallow in the agony of "I could have, I should have". We can sleep in a storm. And when it's time, our good-byes will be complete.”
After she shared the story, Lara added her thoughts and encouragements to my journey. They were great encouragement.
The story does summarize some of my thoughts about living intentionally. I have had it with the “could haves” and “should haves.” As I enter the world of “I did” it feels both exciting and a little nervous. Learning to live in a new place takes a little while.
I received a reply from a Lara, a woman that we have known for many years now. She shared a story from Mitch Albom’s book, “Have a Little Faith,” that I thought was worth sharing.
“A man seeks employment on a farm. He hands his letter of recommendation to his new employer. It reads simply, "He sleeps in a storm." The owner is desperate for help, so he hires the man.
Several weeks pass, and suddenly, in the middle of the night, a powerful storm rips through the valley. Awakened by the swirling rain and howling wind, the owner leaps out of bed. He calls for his new hired hand, but the man is sleeping soundly. So he dashes off to the barn. He sees, to his amazement, that the animals are secure with plenty of feed. He runs out to the field. He sees the bales of wheat have been bound and are wrapped in tarpaulins. He races to the silo. The doors are latched, and the grain is dry. And then he understands. "He sleeps in a storm".
My friends, if we tend to the things that are important in life, if we are right with those we love and behave in line with our faith, our lives will not be cursed with the aching throb of unfulfilled business. Our words will always be sincere, our embraces will be tight. We will never wallow in the agony of "I could have, I should have". We can sleep in a storm. And when it's time, our good-byes will be complete.”
After she shared the story, Lara added her thoughts and encouragements to my journey. They were great encouragement.
The story does summarize some of my thoughts about living intentionally. I have had it with the “could haves” and “should haves.” As I enter the world of “I did” it feels both exciting and a little nervous. Learning to live in a new place takes a little while.
Wednesday, March 10, 2010
Day Eleven
A favorite part of my day on spring break is taking Patton to the beach early in the morning. This year the beach has been completely deserted every morning - just me, Patton, and the birds. I unclip the leash and let Patton run free. While I walk and run for three miles, Patton runs at least five miles chasing the birds.
He was groomed before we left, so his natural sleek build is apparent. Watching him chase birds is like watching thoroughbreds race. He trots along until he spots a flock in the distance walking next to the waves. Once he sees them he accelerates to full speed and races like a lazar beam to them. The pattern is always the same. He gets within twenty feet of the birds, and they take flight over the water. Even the smallest quickly flies out of reach.
Patton, undeterred, launches into the water after them. When he can no longer touch bottom he turns and leaps back to the beach, only to race after them again at breakneck speed. He has done this every day for two spring breaks. He never gets the birds.
Standard poodles are a very bright breed. Every list puts them in the top two or three brightest dogs. He is easy to train and has an incredible disposition. With all of this, though, it is obvious that he is working off of instinct and not cognitive reasoning. When his instincts take over he is on auto-pilot. He can’t help himself. If he had cognitive reasoning, he would realize that his current strategy will never get the birds.
Watching Patton makes me think of myself and others. For years I followed the same flawed patterns trying to achieve my goals. Even though I have cognitive reasoning, I was still like Patton, on auto-pilot. My patterns of thinking and acting would never help me achieve my goals, yet I continued to follow them, thinking that this time they would work. Just a little more effort and I would be successful, happy, at peace, or whatever goal was active at the moment. The problem was that my instinctive reactions always kept me in the same place.
I now understand why most people don’t really change after they reach 21. Unraveling the threads of emotion that create our current reality can be incredibly painful. It was for me. Even after understanding and addressing the emotional events that created my patterns of perpetual mediocrity, it is still a challenge to change. I did all of the deep personal, spiritual, and psychological work and still found it difficult to really let go and follow a different path.
I think this is why I created the year of living intentionally and the daily blog. Somehow, I knew that without some sense of accountability, I would be in the same place next year – planning but not implementing, thinking about change but not changing. All the time, waiting on something to fall from the sky.
Chasing my dreams using my old patterns of thinking and action is like Patton chasing the birds. It is time to stop the madness and build a new pathway to success. It is time to turn off the auto pilot and take hold of the wheel. This is what this year is all about.
A favorite part of my day on spring break is taking Patton to the beach early in the morning. This year the beach has been completely deserted every morning - just me, Patton, and the birds. I unclip the leash and let Patton run free. While I walk and run for three miles, Patton runs at least five miles chasing the birds.
He was groomed before we left, so his natural sleek build is apparent. Watching him chase birds is like watching thoroughbreds race. He trots along until he spots a flock in the distance walking next to the waves. Once he sees them he accelerates to full speed and races like a lazar beam to them. The pattern is always the same. He gets within twenty feet of the birds, and they take flight over the water. Even the smallest quickly flies out of reach.
Patton, undeterred, launches into the water after them. When he can no longer touch bottom he turns and leaps back to the beach, only to race after them again at breakneck speed. He has done this every day for two spring breaks. He never gets the birds.
Standard poodles are a very bright breed. Every list puts them in the top two or three brightest dogs. He is easy to train and has an incredible disposition. With all of this, though, it is obvious that he is working off of instinct and not cognitive reasoning. When his instincts take over he is on auto-pilot. He can’t help himself. If he had cognitive reasoning, he would realize that his current strategy will never get the birds.
Watching Patton makes me think of myself and others. For years I followed the same flawed patterns trying to achieve my goals. Even though I have cognitive reasoning, I was still like Patton, on auto-pilot. My patterns of thinking and acting would never help me achieve my goals, yet I continued to follow them, thinking that this time they would work. Just a little more effort and I would be successful, happy, at peace, or whatever goal was active at the moment. The problem was that my instinctive reactions always kept me in the same place.
I now understand why most people don’t really change after they reach 21. Unraveling the threads of emotion that create our current reality can be incredibly painful. It was for me. Even after understanding and addressing the emotional events that created my patterns of perpetual mediocrity, it is still a challenge to change. I did all of the deep personal, spiritual, and psychological work and still found it difficult to really let go and follow a different path.
I think this is why I created the year of living intentionally and the daily blog. Somehow, I knew that without some sense of accountability, I would be in the same place next year – planning but not implementing, thinking about change but not changing. All the time, waiting on something to fall from the sky.
Chasing my dreams using my old patterns of thinking and action is like Patton chasing the birds. It is time to stop the madness and build a new pathway to success. It is time to turn off the auto pilot and take hold of the wheel. This is what this year is all about.
Tuesday, March 9, 2010
Day Ten
Relaxation is settling in today. I spent an hour this morning walking the beach with Patton, our standard poodle, and did not see a soul. Alligator Point is like a forgotten place in time. No high rises, no tee shirt shops, no restaurants. No convenience stores. Nothing except houses, most of which are empty this week. All total today we saw less than twenty people on the beach.
Tyler and Chase slept until 11am. Drew had to return home, so Patty and I had a chance to just sit and talk, a rare opportunity. The late morning and early afternoon were spent reading, writing some of my thoughts, and then napping.
The required trip to Coastal Restaurant in Panacea for “all you can eat” fried shrimp was a late lunch. The sun came out when we arrived back at the cottage. The late afternoon included walking the beach and watching the sun set.
I noticed a book tonight that was on a table in the dining room, The Art of Doing Nothing. Doing nothing is a challenge for me. Whether it is conditioning, the drive to get somewhere, or the pattern of staying mentally busy, simply doing nothing has always been a challenge. I usually find that I can do it in snippets rather than long stretches of time.
I was successful for a few minutes today. It felt nice. I actually did nothing a couple of times today. Speaking of that, I think I will try it now. See you tomorrow.
Relaxation is settling in today. I spent an hour this morning walking the beach with Patton, our standard poodle, and did not see a soul. Alligator Point is like a forgotten place in time. No high rises, no tee shirt shops, no restaurants. No convenience stores. Nothing except houses, most of which are empty this week. All total today we saw less than twenty people on the beach.
Tyler and Chase slept until 11am. Drew had to return home, so Patty and I had a chance to just sit and talk, a rare opportunity. The late morning and early afternoon were spent reading, writing some of my thoughts, and then napping.
The required trip to Coastal Restaurant in Panacea for “all you can eat” fried shrimp was a late lunch. The sun came out when we arrived back at the cottage. The late afternoon included walking the beach and watching the sun set.
I noticed a book tonight that was on a table in the dining room, The Art of Doing Nothing. Doing nothing is a challenge for me. Whether it is conditioning, the drive to get somewhere, or the pattern of staying mentally busy, simply doing nothing has always been a challenge. I usually find that I can do it in snippets rather than long stretches of time.
I was successful for a few minutes today. It felt nice. I actually did nothing a couple of times today. Speaking of that, I think I will try it now. See you tomorrow.
Monday, March 8, 2010
Day Nine
My goal for today was simple - start slow and then taper off. I was true to my word. I settled into the hammock at 10:30. Except for lunch and a game of chess with Chase, I didn’t get out of the hammock until5pm. Most of that time I slept.
It is the first time I have stayed in a hammock for almost a full day. Relaxation has never been my strong suit. I have been a “keep the motor running at all times” kind of guy. Learning to just do nothing is tough.
I realized today that intentionality is about R&R just as much as it is about achieving goals. Finding a little more balance in my life during this year of intentionality will be a requirement.
It made me think about why relaxing is so hard for me. I am better than I used to be, but it is still a struggle. I suspect it is another diversionary tactic. If I keep busy I won’t have to look. In this year of intentionality, embracing down time may be a key to keeping my energy up throughout the year. We are only in the second week. There are still fifty weeks left to go. It is a marathon, not a sprint.
Time to get back to relaxing and read a book.
My goal for today was simple - start slow and then taper off. I was true to my word. I settled into the hammock at 10:30. Except for lunch and a game of chess with Chase, I didn’t get out of the hammock until5pm. Most of that time I slept.
It is the first time I have stayed in a hammock for almost a full day. Relaxation has never been my strong suit. I have been a “keep the motor running at all times” kind of guy. Learning to just do nothing is tough.
I realized today that intentionality is about R&R just as much as it is about achieving goals. Finding a little more balance in my life during this year of intentionality will be a requirement.
It made me think about why relaxing is so hard for me. I am better than I used to be, but it is still a struggle. I suspect it is another diversionary tactic. If I keep busy I won’t have to look. In this year of intentionality, embracing down time may be a key to keeping my energy up throughout the year. We are only in the second week. There are still fifty weeks left to go. It is a marathon, not a sprint.
Time to get back to relaxing and read a book.
Sunday, March 7, 2010
Day Eight
We spent last night with dear friends in Thomasville, GA. Michael and Carol Singletary know how to do southern hospitality. We met Michael and Carol a few years ago at Camp Merrie Woode in the mountains of North Carolina. Last year we stayed at their cottage at Alligator Point, Florida for spring break. It was the most relaxing spring break ever. It was our destination again this year. We spend the evening with them yesterday and then headed further south today.
I realized on the way down that this was probably the last time that it would be just the five of us. Drew and Elizabeth will be married in June. We are thrilled that Elizabeth is a part of the family, but it was nice to have one more time together just the five of us and Patton, our standard poodle. We laughed uncontrollably over supper tonight and settled in to watch a movie.
R&R begins in earnest tomorrow. My goal is to start slow and then taper off. I am thankful today for great friends and my family. As we walked along the beach this evening in the cool weather, Patton ran in circles ahead of us. The setting sun was a brilliant red. No one was on the beach but us. Nice way to start the week.
We spent last night with dear friends in Thomasville, GA. Michael and Carol Singletary know how to do southern hospitality. We met Michael and Carol a few years ago at Camp Merrie Woode in the mountains of North Carolina. Last year we stayed at their cottage at Alligator Point, Florida for spring break. It was the most relaxing spring break ever. It was our destination again this year. We spend the evening with them yesterday and then headed further south today.
I realized on the way down that this was probably the last time that it would be just the five of us. Drew and Elizabeth will be married in June. We are thrilled that Elizabeth is a part of the family, but it was nice to have one more time together just the five of us and Patton, our standard poodle. We laughed uncontrollably over supper tonight and settled in to watch a movie.
R&R begins in earnest tomorrow. My goal is to start slow and then taper off. I am thankful today for great friends and my family. As we walked along the beach this evening in the cool weather, Patton ran in circles ahead of us. The setting sun was a brilliant red. No one was on the beach but us. Nice way to start the week.
Saturday, March 6, 2010
Day Seven
The night before leaving on vacation is as predictable for us as the rising of the sun. Stay up packing until after midnight and then leave before 8am. Drive all day and then collapse. Same thing this trip. I realized this afternoon how needed this trip is for all of us. Everyone is worn down physically.
Between school and work there hasn’t been much time for anything else. For Chase it is life as a junior in high school, a weekend dance competition just completed, and preparation for Les Miserables, the spring production at school. For me, work has been all consuming during the past three months. Just keeping up with Chase and me has been enough for Patty to need a break.
For Drew it has been the all consuming first year of teaching and coaching. Tyler just got back from visiting his girl friend in Viet Nam. He is still recovering from jet lag. It is weird to say that my son was in Viet Nam. My draft number was 26 the year that they removed educational deferments in 1973. I joined the Air Force Reserves so that I would not go to Viet Nam, and here he was buying a ticket to go voluntarily.
Thinking about our pre-vacation pattern makes me think about the whole issue of my patterns. Two years ago the wheels began to come off the car for me personally and in my business. Looking back, I realize that it was the start of my journey to emotional, spiritual, and physical well being.
While I could blame the problems on external factors, I now believe that the catalyst was my deep desire for growth. Even though I was floundering emotionally and struggling in my business, there was something clawing its way up from the depths of my soul that would not be contained. Sometimes I helped it grow. Other times I watched it take on a life of its own. Still other times I was petrified with fear because I could not image what life would look like without those old patterns of though and action.
A new reality soon set in. The old patterns just weren’t working any more. I didn’t want them to work any more. The bigger problem was that I didn’t know where the new path was leading. At times I wasn’t even sure there was a path. It was a pretty chaotic time. I now refer to that time as the valley of the shadow. If you know the Lord’s Prayer you will recognize the phrase. It was a dark and emotionally painful time in my life. I was forced to confront my life at the deepest level.
Looking back, I realize that the turning point was an afternoon spent with a friend and guide, Kit Landry. In a 45 minute meeting she helped me create enough sacred space to confront a critical point in my past. Rather than running from the past as I had done it the past, I faced it. I refused to run. Even if it killed me, I was going to face the pain.
A strange thing happened. All of the feelings and emotions bottled up for 40 years came flooding out. A raging river of emotions erupted like a volcano. I was back in my early adolescent skin for a moment and the full force of their power was unleashed.
Then suddenly, within that rage, I found the power to confront that event and my dad. Instead of being a victim and feeling powerless, I found the strength to act. In that moment, the old feelings and events lost their control over me.
At church we talk about the death and resurrection of Christ. We all know that it is a faith commitment. You can’t prove it scientifically. I know for a fact, however, that the death and resurrection motif is very real from a psychological perspective. Before the real you can emerge, something has to die. In this case, that something was the set of beliefs that created the old negative patterns in my life.
Changing patterns has been the hardest thing in my life. It has also been the most rewarding. I would never be in the year of living intentionally if I had not first faced my fears and found the power to change them.
As I think about it, the major work may be complete but there is still lots left to do. For now, though, I think I will get some rest. Day Seven
The night before leaving on vacation is as predictable for us as the rising of the sun. Stay up packing until after midnight and then leave before 8am. Drive all day and then collapse. Same thing this trip. I realized this afternoon how needed this trip is for all of us. Everyone is worn down physically.
Between school and work there hasn’t been much time for anything else. For Chase it is life as a junior in high school, a weekend dance competition just completed, and preparation for Les Miserables, the spring production at school. For me, work has been all consuming during the past three months. Just keeping up with Chase and me has been enough for Patty to need a break.
For Drew it has been the all consuming first year of teaching and coaching. Tyler just got back from visiting his girl friend in Viet Nam. He is still recovering from jet lag. It is weird to say that my son was in Viet Nam. My draft number was 26 the year that they removed educational deferments in 1973. I joined the Air Force Reserves so that I would not go to Viet Nam, and here he was buying a ticket to go voluntarily.
Thinking about our pre-vacation pattern makes me think about the whole issue of my patterns. Two years ago the wheels began to come off the car for me personally and in my business. Looking back, I realize that it was the start of my journey to emotional, spiritual, and physical well being.
While I could blame the problems on external factors, I now believe that the catalyst was my deep desire for growth. Even though I was floundering emotionally and struggling in my business, there was something clawing its way up from the depths of my soul that would not be contained. Sometimes I helped it grow. Other times I watched it take on a life of its own. Still other times I was petrified with fear because I could not image what life would look like without those old patterns of though and action.
A new reality soon set in. The old patterns just weren’t working any more. I didn’t want them to work any more. The bigger problem was that I didn’t know where the new path was leading. At times I wasn’t even sure there was a path. It was a pretty chaotic time. I now refer to that time as the valley of the shadow. If you know the Lord’s Prayer you will recognize the phrase. It was a dark and emotionally painful time in my life. I was forced to confront my life at the deepest level.
Looking back, I realize that the turning point was an afternoon spent with a friend and guide, Kit Landry. In a 45 minute meeting she helped me create enough sacred space to confront a critical point in my past. Rather than running from the past as I had done it the past, I faced it. I refused to run. Even if it killed me, I was going to face the pain.
A strange thing happened. All of the feelings and emotions bottled up for 40 years came flooding out. A raging river of emotions erupted like a volcano. I was back in my early adolescent skin for a moment and the full force of their power was unleashed.
Then suddenly, within that rage, I found the power to confront that event and my dad. Instead of being a victim and feeling powerless, I found the strength to act. In that moment, the old feelings and events lost their control over me.
At church we talk about the death and resurrection of Christ. We all know that it is a faith commitment. You can’t prove it scientifically. I know for a fact, however, that the death and resurrection motif is very real from a psychological perspective. Before the real you can emerge, something has to die. In this case, that something was the set of beliefs that created the old negative patterns in my life.
Changing patterns has been the hardest thing in my life. It has also been the most rewarding. I would never be in the year of living intentionally if I had not first faced my fears and found the power to change them.
As I think about it, the major work may be complete but there is still lots left to do. For now, though, I think I will get some rest.
The night before leaving on vacation is as predictable for us as the rising of the sun. Stay up packing until after midnight and then leave before 8am. Drive all day and then collapse. Same thing this trip. I realized this afternoon how needed this trip is for all of us. Everyone is worn down physically.
Between school and work there hasn’t been much time for anything else. For Chase it is life as a junior in high school, a weekend dance competition just completed, and preparation for Les Miserables, the spring production at school. For me, work has been all consuming during the past three months. Just keeping up with Chase and me has been enough for Patty to need a break.
For Drew it has been the all consuming first year of teaching and coaching. Tyler just got back from visiting his girl friend in Viet Nam. He is still recovering from jet lag. It is weird to say that my son was in Viet Nam. My draft number was 26 the year that they removed educational deferments in 1973. I joined the Air Force Reserves so that I would not go to Viet Nam, and here he was buying a ticket to go voluntarily.
Thinking about our pre-vacation pattern makes me think about the whole issue of my patterns. Two years ago the wheels began to come off the car for me personally and in my business. Looking back, I realize that it was the start of my journey to emotional, spiritual, and physical well being.
While I could blame the problems on external factors, I now believe that the catalyst was my deep desire for growth. Even though I was floundering emotionally and struggling in my business, there was something clawing its way up from the depths of my soul that would not be contained. Sometimes I helped it grow. Other times I watched it take on a life of its own. Still other times I was petrified with fear because I could not image what life would look like without those old patterns of though and action.
A new reality soon set in. The old patterns just weren’t working any more. I didn’t want them to work any more. The bigger problem was that I didn’t know where the new path was leading. At times I wasn’t even sure there was a path. It was a pretty chaotic time. I now refer to that time as the valley of the shadow. If you know the Lord’s Prayer you will recognize the phrase. It was a dark and emotionally painful time in my life. I was forced to confront my life at the deepest level.
Looking back, I realize that the turning point was an afternoon spent with a friend and guide, Kit Landry. In a 45 minute meeting she helped me create enough sacred space to confront a critical point in my past. Rather than running from the past as I had done it the past, I faced it. I refused to run. Even if it killed me, I was going to face the pain.
A strange thing happened. All of the feelings and emotions bottled up for 40 years came flooding out. A raging river of emotions erupted like a volcano. I was back in my early adolescent skin for a moment and the full force of their power was unleashed.
Then suddenly, within that rage, I found the power to confront that event and my dad. Instead of being a victim and feeling powerless, I found the strength to act. In that moment, the old feelings and events lost their control over me.
At church we talk about the death and resurrection of Christ. We all know that it is a faith commitment. You can’t prove it scientifically. I know for a fact, however, that the death and resurrection motif is very real from a psychological perspective. Before the real you can emerge, something has to die. In this case, that something was the set of beliefs that created the old negative patterns in my life.
Changing patterns has been the hardest thing in my life. It has also been the most rewarding. I would never be in the year of living intentionally if I had not first faced my fears and found the power to change them.
As I think about it, the major work may be complete but there is still lots left to do. For now, though, I think I will get some rest. Day Seven
The night before leaving on vacation is as predictable for us as the rising of the sun. Stay up packing until after midnight and then leave before 8am. Drive all day and then collapse. Same thing this trip. I realized this afternoon how needed this trip is for all of us. Everyone is worn down physically.
Between school and work there hasn’t been much time for anything else. For Chase it is life as a junior in high school, a weekend dance competition just completed, and preparation for Les Miserables, the spring production at school. For me, work has been all consuming during the past three months. Just keeping up with Chase and me has been enough for Patty to need a break.
For Drew it has been the all consuming first year of teaching and coaching. Tyler just got back from visiting his girl friend in Viet Nam. He is still recovering from jet lag. It is weird to say that my son was in Viet Nam. My draft number was 26 the year that they removed educational deferments in 1973. I joined the Air Force Reserves so that I would not go to Viet Nam, and here he was buying a ticket to go voluntarily.
Thinking about our pre-vacation pattern makes me think about the whole issue of my patterns. Two years ago the wheels began to come off the car for me personally and in my business. Looking back, I realize that it was the start of my journey to emotional, spiritual, and physical well being.
While I could blame the problems on external factors, I now believe that the catalyst was my deep desire for growth. Even though I was floundering emotionally and struggling in my business, there was something clawing its way up from the depths of my soul that would not be contained. Sometimes I helped it grow. Other times I watched it take on a life of its own. Still other times I was petrified with fear because I could not image what life would look like without those old patterns of though and action.
A new reality soon set in. The old patterns just weren’t working any more. I didn’t want them to work any more. The bigger problem was that I didn’t know where the new path was leading. At times I wasn’t even sure there was a path. It was a pretty chaotic time. I now refer to that time as the valley of the shadow. If you know the Lord’s Prayer you will recognize the phrase. It was a dark and emotionally painful time in my life. I was forced to confront my life at the deepest level.
Looking back, I realize that the turning point was an afternoon spent with a friend and guide, Kit Landry. In a 45 minute meeting she helped me create enough sacred space to confront a critical point in my past. Rather than running from the past as I had done it the past, I faced it. I refused to run. Even if it killed me, I was going to face the pain.
A strange thing happened. All of the feelings and emotions bottled up for 40 years came flooding out. A raging river of emotions erupted like a volcano. I was back in my early adolescent skin for a moment and the full force of their power was unleashed.
Then suddenly, within that rage, I found the power to confront that event and my dad. Instead of being a victim and feeling powerless, I found the strength to act. In that moment, the old feelings and events lost their control over me.
At church we talk about the death and resurrection of Christ. We all know that it is a faith commitment. You can’t prove it scientifically. I know for a fact, however, that the death and resurrection motif is very real from a psychological perspective. Before the real you can emerge, something has to die. In this case, that something was the set of beliefs that created the old negative patterns in my life.
Changing patterns has been the hardest thing in my life. It has also been the most rewarding. I would never be in the year of living intentionally if I had not first faced my fears and found the power to change them.
As I think about it, the major work may be complete but there is still lots left to do. For now, though, I think I will get some rest.
Friday, March 5, 2010
Day Six
Living intentional, I have decided, is a lot like getting in shape. There are days when you don’t feel like you make any progress. If you continue exercising and eating right, though, one day you see the difference. It was one of those wow days today. Maybe it started off right because I listened to Broadway show tunes on the way to Gainesville. Whatever the reason, I was humming when I walked into the building. That energy continued throughout the day.
Four times today I had the opportunity to be intentional in working with individuals. All four times honest, constructive conversation created a positive outcome. One of the individuals even visited me in the late afternoon to say thanks.
On the way home I had an amazing conversation with Yates Pharr, the owner of Falling Creek Camp, about a BAM (Becoming a Man) Father/Son Weekend event that we are planning May 21-23 and something even more powerful that we may be doing in August.
I know we are early in the process, but I already know one thing for certain. This stuff works. Intentionality is the path to manifest who we were created to be. Tomorrow morning we leave for the beach for a week. The blogs next week should be interesting. A week of rest and relaxation always gets my creative juices going.
As you follow my blog, if you desire to follow the path of intentionality in your own life, I am doing a weekend retreat in the North Carolina Mountains April 16-18 just for intentional living. It will kick start your journey for living intentionally.
Living intentional, I have decided, is a lot like getting in shape. There are days when you don’t feel like you make any progress. If you continue exercising and eating right, though, one day you see the difference. It was one of those wow days today. Maybe it started off right because I listened to Broadway show tunes on the way to Gainesville. Whatever the reason, I was humming when I walked into the building. That energy continued throughout the day.
Four times today I had the opportunity to be intentional in working with individuals. All four times honest, constructive conversation created a positive outcome. One of the individuals even visited me in the late afternoon to say thanks.
On the way home I had an amazing conversation with Yates Pharr, the owner of Falling Creek Camp, about a BAM (Becoming a Man) Father/Son Weekend event that we are planning May 21-23 and something even more powerful that we may be doing in August.
I know we are early in the process, but I already know one thing for certain. This stuff works. Intentionality is the path to manifest who we were created to be. Tomorrow morning we leave for the beach for a week. The blogs next week should be interesting. A week of rest and relaxation always gets my creative juices going.
As you follow my blog, if you desire to follow the path of intentionality in your own life, I am doing a weekend retreat in the North Carolina Mountains April 16-18 just for intentional living. It will kick start your journey for living intentionally.
Thursday, March 4, 2010
Day Five
Facing the realities about yourself is never easy. I have been a poor finisher up to this point in my life. I always start with lots of energy, and fade at the end. I can’t tell you the number of projects that I have started in the past and stopped just before completion. I have numerous projects completed but I never marketed them. My running history is a chronicle of fast starts and running out of gas before the finish line.
One part of this year is learning to finish things in a way that propels me forward.
Mat drills are a big deal these days with college football teams. The cry at UGA is “finish the drill!” That has been incredibly hard for me. Slowly, I am learning the value of finishing the drill.
It was weird the first time I made myself push through and get to the end. I actually got scared when I realize that I was really finishing what I started. I even though about imploding - but resisted the thought. I have thought often about why I have not finished things in the past. Lot’s of logical reasons, I suppose, but at the core I suspect that it had to do more with my inability to see myself as successful than anything else.
I learned something else about finishing things yesterday. Achieving a higher level of success and happiness is also about conditioning. I did an aerobics class yesterday afternoon that kicked my butt. I thought I was in pretty good shape when I started but I slithered into the locker room like a whooped puppy when it was over. There will come a day when I can handle that class, but only when I condition myself to be ready for it. If I am honest, I have not pushed myself to see how good I can be. I instead have been content to pull up short or play it safe.
I wonder how much potential has been wasted because people chose to play it safe rather than finish the drill.
Not anymore. I was at my client’s today until about 9pm. I could have put it off another day, but then I would have left for spring break with it hanging over my head. I chose instead to finish the drill and then enjoy next week.
Facing the realities about yourself is never easy. I have been a poor finisher up to this point in my life. I always start with lots of energy, and fade at the end. I can’t tell you the number of projects that I have started in the past and stopped just before completion. I have numerous projects completed but I never marketed them. My running history is a chronicle of fast starts and running out of gas before the finish line.
One part of this year is learning to finish things in a way that propels me forward.
Mat drills are a big deal these days with college football teams. The cry at UGA is “finish the drill!” That has been incredibly hard for me. Slowly, I am learning the value of finishing the drill.
It was weird the first time I made myself push through and get to the end. I actually got scared when I realize that I was really finishing what I started. I even though about imploding - but resisted the thought. I have thought often about why I have not finished things in the past. Lot’s of logical reasons, I suppose, but at the core I suspect that it had to do more with my inability to see myself as successful than anything else.
I learned something else about finishing things yesterday. Achieving a higher level of success and happiness is also about conditioning. I did an aerobics class yesterday afternoon that kicked my butt. I thought I was in pretty good shape when I started but I slithered into the locker room like a whooped puppy when it was over. There will come a day when I can handle that class, but only when I condition myself to be ready for it. If I am honest, I have not pushed myself to see how good I can be. I instead have been content to pull up short or play it safe.
I wonder how much potential has been wasted because people chose to play it safe rather than finish the drill.
Not anymore. I was at my client’s today until about 9pm. I could have put it off another day, but then I would have left for spring break with it hanging over my head. I chose instead to finish the drill and then enjoy next week.
Wednesday, March 3, 2010
Day Four
Coming home from work, I was clear about the content of today’s blog. It was a powerful learning day. About 9:00 pm, though, my blog idea was turned upside down. Tonight was a magical moment.
As you know, I am learning to play the piano. Consciously I was clear about why I was doing it. It is a part of who I am. It is something that I wanted to do for years. I am going to incorporate it into my speaking. All of those were good reasons, but the magic happened tonight.
I haven’t played in about a week, due to a very busy schedule. We finished supper and Chase, my youngest son (17) brought his violin into the kitchen. We talked for a second and then he asked, “You playing the piano tonight?”
I haven’t learned much in my 56 years, but I have learned when a son is asking for time.
“As long as I am playing with you,” I responded. I am not very good at this point, but I can play with both hands if the song is simple. We started with Mozart. He was standing over my right shoulder. It took a few tries, but then it clicked. We were making music together – and then harmony.
I was sitting at the keyboard when it hit me. For years Chase has been trying to find something for us to do together. We tried building a dune buggy. I bought a 76 VW Beatle and we striped in down. That is as far as we got. Drew, his older brother, took the metal to the salvage yard and sold it when the price was high. The chasse sits at a cousin’s house. The motor is still in the shop.
At the piano, though, we found it. We found that something that brought us together. Between my keys and his strings we touched in a way that only a parent can understand. It was a good day.
Coming home from work, I was clear about the content of today’s blog. It was a powerful learning day. About 9:00 pm, though, my blog idea was turned upside down. Tonight was a magical moment.
As you know, I am learning to play the piano. Consciously I was clear about why I was doing it. It is a part of who I am. It is something that I wanted to do for years. I am going to incorporate it into my speaking. All of those were good reasons, but the magic happened tonight.
I haven’t played in about a week, due to a very busy schedule. We finished supper and Chase, my youngest son (17) brought his violin into the kitchen. We talked for a second and then he asked, “You playing the piano tonight?”
I haven’t learned much in my 56 years, but I have learned when a son is asking for time.
“As long as I am playing with you,” I responded. I am not very good at this point, but I can play with both hands if the song is simple. We started with Mozart. He was standing over my right shoulder. It took a few tries, but then it clicked. We were making music together – and then harmony.
I was sitting at the keyboard when it hit me. For years Chase has been trying to find something for us to do together. We tried building a dune buggy. I bought a 76 VW Beatle and we striped in down. That is as far as we got. Drew, his older brother, took the metal to the salvage yard and sold it when the price was high. The chasse sits at a cousin’s house. The motor is still in the shop.
At the piano, though, we found it. We found that something that brought us together. Between my keys and his strings we touched in a way that only a parent can understand. It was a good day.
Tuesday, March 2, 2010
Today was an interesting day. On the one hand there were two small accomplishments. On the other hand, I realized how safe and self focused my goals for the year really are. Let’s start first with the small accomplishments.
I am doing an extended project with a client that has taught me the impact of intentional focus. Just a few months ago I spent more time thinking about what I was going to do than actually doing it. Now my days are much more intentional and productive. I accomplish more in a day now than I did in two or three days in the past. I remember the day in early December that it clicked, “Don’t keep talking about it. Just do it.” Nike was right.
The other small accomplishment actually triggered the ah ha about my goals. I have finally mastered the whole eating thing. For years I ate for all sorts of reasons. I ate if I was tired. I ate if I was stressed. I ate if someone put food in front of me. I also ate like I was going to a fire – rush, rush, rush. For a few weeks now I have been shifting my diet in the right direction – more fruits and veggies and less processed food, sugar, and simple carbs. I am eating more small meals. Last week, I decided for some reason to slow down when I ate. Amazing results pretty quick. I was quite proud of myself, and announced it to Patty when I came home today. Getting the waist in line and losing a few pounds will be easy. I should have that taken care of in three months.
Then it struck me. “You are still playing it safe. You set goals that you know you can accomplish. Sure, you will have to change some things to achieve them but they are very achievable.”
I recently read a quote by Mario Andretti, the great formula one racer, “If everything seems under control your just not driving fast enough.” While I have started the journey, I realize that I have not yet glimpsed what can really happen when you become intentional.
If the year of living intentionally is about going for it, then I can’t be content with safe goals that will probably be achieved in six months. I realized how much I still have to learn and do. As much as it makes me uncomfortable, I have to look deeper. More tomorrow.
I am doing an extended project with a client that has taught me the impact of intentional focus. Just a few months ago I spent more time thinking about what I was going to do than actually doing it. Now my days are much more intentional and productive. I accomplish more in a day now than I did in two or three days in the past. I remember the day in early December that it clicked, “Don’t keep talking about it. Just do it.” Nike was right.
The other small accomplishment actually triggered the ah ha about my goals. I have finally mastered the whole eating thing. For years I ate for all sorts of reasons. I ate if I was tired. I ate if I was stressed. I ate if someone put food in front of me. I also ate like I was going to a fire – rush, rush, rush. For a few weeks now I have been shifting my diet in the right direction – more fruits and veggies and less processed food, sugar, and simple carbs. I am eating more small meals. Last week, I decided for some reason to slow down when I ate. Amazing results pretty quick. I was quite proud of myself, and announced it to Patty when I came home today. Getting the waist in line and losing a few pounds will be easy. I should have that taken care of in three months.
Then it struck me. “You are still playing it safe. You set goals that you know you can accomplish. Sure, you will have to change some things to achieve them but they are very achievable.”
I recently read a quote by Mario Andretti, the great formula one racer, “If everything seems under control your just not driving fast enough.” While I have started the journey, I realize that I have not yet glimpsed what can really happen when you become intentional.
If the year of living intentionally is about going for it, then I can’t be content with safe goals that will probably be achieved in six months. I realized how much I still have to learn and do. As much as it makes me uncomfortable, I have to look deeper. More tomorrow.
Monday, March 1, 2010
One of my goals in this year of living intentionally is to be able to touch my toes by next March 1. That may seem a little strange or trivial, but at 56, flexibility has become a higher priority for me. I am in pretty good shape overall, but my flexibility sucks. I have not touched my toes since I was a teenager. I am wound tighter than a banjo string.
Tonight I was stretching my hamstring muscles, trying to loosen them. They are full of knots. I was using a rolling bar that I bought a few years ago. The idea is simple. You roll the bar down your muscle. It grabs any knot in the muscle and stretches it. When you hit a knot – watch out!
Painful is the operative word here! To relax the muscle you must address the knot head on. You cannot go around it. You have to face it and confront it before it will relax and lengthen out. Doing this is intense when the muscle has 40 years worth of knot in it. As I was working my hamstrings I thought about how hard change is. It is no wonder that most people simply choose not to change. The fear of facing the pain for most people is stronger than the desire to get beyond the pain to a better place.
It made me think of the two months leading up to March 1. The hardest part of this process has been deciding what I really want for my life. For most people this is probably the easy part. For me it was almost impossible. Every time I tried to write down what I wanted, I would go blank. A fog covered my thoughts.
After struggling for weeks, I started looking below the surface. I realized that my inability to define what I wanted was rooted in my drive to please others. The more I looked, the more I realized that most of my life has been spent trying to please others. I could write a book on the things I have done just to make others happy. What a waste of time! In trying to please others, I was tying my personal worth to whether others were happy or not. Now that is a dead end street.
The truth was that I didn’t really know who I was outside of making other people happy. That was an incredibly frightening moment. My therapist friends can give the psychological definition and my spiritual guide friends can tell the theological components, but the reality is that if your identity is tied to pleasing others or the opposite, constantly fighting others, you will never find who you really are and manifest it.
In my struggles over the past few years, I have learned one key point related to fear. Face it. Don’t run. If you are willing to face your fears and refuse to run, the fear will eventually subside and you can conquer it.
It took a while, but I finally started thinking about what I wanted. So, here are my goals for this year of living intentionally. First, I will get my business back on sound financial footing. The past few years have ravaged my business. I am working the details out for that at this time and I will share them in future blogs. Second, I am learning to play the piano. My specific goals related to piano are to sight read virtually anything by March 1, begin composing music, and create a one person show that I will incorporate into my speaking business. I have wanted to play the piano for many years but kept putting it off. No more procrastination. Third, I want to get in great shape. My definition of great shape is simple: touch my toes, do 100 pushups straight, 60 sit-ups in 60 seconds, and a 35 inch waist. This is actually the easiest of the four. Fourth, create a network of men committed to growth. I have finally realized that we men need each other if we are going to make it. Being a guy is not so easy these days.
They are ambitious goals for me, given the fact that I have talked about them for years but not done anything about them. It is kind of weird actually saying what you want when you have not done it for years.
Tonight I was stretching my hamstring muscles, trying to loosen them. They are full of knots. I was using a rolling bar that I bought a few years ago. The idea is simple. You roll the bar down your muscle. It grabs any knot in the muscle and stretches it. When you hit a knot – watch out!
Painful is the operative word here! To relax the muscle you must address the knot head on. You cannot go around it. You have to face it and confront it before it will relax and lengthen out. Doing this is intense when the muscle has 40 years worth of knot in it. As I was working my hamstrings I thought about how hard change is. It is no wonder that most people simply choose not to change. The fear of facing the pain for most people is stronger than the desire to get beyond the pain to a better place.
It made me think of the two months leading up to March 1. The hardest part of this process has been deciding what I really want for my life. For most people this is probably the easy part. For me it was almost impossible. Every time I tried to write down what I wanted, I would go blank. A fog covered my thoughts.
After struggling for weeks, I started looking below the surface. I realized that my inability to define what I wanted was rooted in my drive to please others. The more I looked, the more I realized that most of my life has been spent trying to please others. I could write a book on the things I have done just to make others happy. What a waste of time! In trying to please others, I was tying my personal worth to whether others were happy or not. Now that is a dead end street.
The truth was that I didn’t really know who I was outside of making other people happy. That was an incredibly frightening moment. My therapist friends can give the psychological definition and my spiritual guide friends can tell the theological components, but the reality is that if your identity is tied to pleasing others or the opposite, constantly fighting others, you will never find who you really are and manifest it.
In my struggles over the past few years, I have learned one key point related to fear. Face it. Don’t run. If you are willing to face your fears and refuse to run, the fear will eventually subside and you can conquer it.
It took a while, but I finally started thinking about what I wanted. So, here are my goals for this year of living intentionally. First, I will get my business back on sound financial footing. The past few years have ravaged my business. I am working the details out for that at this time and I will share them in future blogs. Second, I am learning to play the piano. My specific goals related to piano are to sight read virtually anything by March 1, begin composing music, and create a one person show that I will incorporate into my speaking business. I have wanted to play the piano for many years but kept putting it off. No more procrastination. Third, I want to get in great shape. My definition of great shape is simple: touch my toes, do 100 pushups straight, 60 sit-ups in 60 seconds, and a 35 inch waist. This is actually the easiest of the four. Fourth, create a network of men committed to growth. I have finally realized that we men need each other if we are going to make it. Being a guy is not so easy these days.
They are ambitious goals for me, given the fact that I have talked about them for years but not done anything about them. It is kind of weird actually saying what you want when you have not done it for years.
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