Day Twenty Eight

I woke at 4:30 this morning to use the bathroom and could not go directly back to sleep. Being Saturday morning, I did something unusual. I went into the kitchen and meditated for a while. During the meditation I had a fascinating insight that correlates to my current perspective on following Jesus.

In one of my earlier blogs I wrote that Jesus did not want us to worship him. Instead, he wanted us to follow him. The comment was also made that following Jesus does not mean following a set of Jesus rules. That is the opposite of what Jesus would desire for anyone. My take is that Jesus wants us to follow his light to discover who are created to be.

The question for most people is, “Where is this journey of discover going to lead me?”

In my meditation, I had an insight related to the destination. It was probably my recent watching of the Matrix again that sparked my thoughts. I recently saw one of the scenes were Morpheus, played by Lawrence Fishburn, tells Neo, played by Keanu Reeves, that he is the chosen one.

In the meditation, for some reason, I said, “I am the chosen one.” I didn’t like the sound of it. It wasn’t right. It made a presupposition that my instincts told we was not accurate. Then I said it again, but in a different way, “I am the chosen one,” I thought, “to be me.” It clicked. I realized that ultimately, that is everyone’s destination – embracing the call to be who we are created to be. When we embrace that call emotionally, intellectually, and physically, the doubt and fear begin to subside and the future becomes clear.

In looking back I realize that the resistance to embrace my true self and love myself was the stumbling block that always held me back. My limitations in the past had nothing to do with my capabilities. It had everything to do with my mind.

I see it every day in almost every situation I encounter - people who can’t embrace who they are. The layers of guilt, negative feelings, unresolved anger, and God knows what else become an emotional, physical, mental, and spiritual barrier that keeps us from embracing our uniqueness. It is the ultimate rejection of God. Isn’t it odd that the one thing that we must do to really experience the power and grace of God, is the one thing that virtually everyone avoids and even the church discourages at times.

Think about what happens when we know who we are, and who we are created to me. Think about what happens when we embrace this knowledge with our whole being. Only when we embrace the uniqueness can we say, “yes, I am the chosen one to be me.” I don’t want to be my mother’s or father’s version of me. I don’t want to be what society or even my church wants me to be. I don’t want to be my wife’s or my son’s version of me. I want to be the me that I was created to be.

On this Easter eve, may the images that others have of me die within me so that the version that I was created to be can be born.