Sunday, September 19

It has been a month and a half since I last posted a blog. Lots has happened during this time. Completed a major project with a client. Still doing some follow-up work there, but it is less and less. Another client came on board.

The real change has been in continuing to push through to clarify the future. There have been another of things that have converged to keep me focused on the future and manifesting something new. I will share these. What is clear, is that I have been doing the things that my belief system has said should happen. As the belief system changes, so do the results. That is probably so obvious that it is clear for anyone to see, but it is true.

All of that leads to a new wave of action as we begin moving tomorrow. I have an accountability partner I meet with every week and I am creating a men's group that will begin meeting on a monthly basis next Sunday.

All in all, things are moving.

John

The Discipline of Action

I have learned a few things about myself and also manifesting a new future. I work best when I have a goal that I focus on. There are two exciting goals in the immediate future. I discovered a new half marathon in Athens that will be in late October. It has pushed me to get focused. It also created a timeline to get focused on some specific components of my business.

I also had an interesting conversation with an old friend last night. As we were catching up he asked me what I was doing now. I share with him that we were getting ready to start something new that is what I should have been focusing on my whole life. He looked at me and said, “That’s what you have said for years.” At first, I took it as a personal affront. Then I realized that it was a caring, honest comment.

That has been my pattern, always getting ready to do something different but not really doing it fully.

August 4

My birthday was two days ago. It is hard to believe that I am 57. Just looking at the number seems strange. I realized in looking back and reflecting that I am always been fascinated by the power of the human mind and the ability to influence your mind to do things. I remember when I was an early teenager reading about monks who learned to control their body temperature so that they could stay outside in the cold for long periods of time without warm clothing.

I see now that this year of living intentionally really is about learning to train your mind to do, achieve, experience, what you really do want in your life, whether it is greater love, relationships, career, wealth, or whatever.

August 1

Well, here we are at the 5 month mark. Some exciting developments. I spent this weekend refining the process so that I can teach it and guide others through it. Also, I found another accountability partner for the next leg of my journey.

I have learned in this year of living intentionally that an accountability partner is required if you really want to manifest a different future. It is not enough to know it intellectually. To create a new future everyone needs someone to whom they are accountable. It enables you to get things out of your mind and into your actions.

An accountability partner is a must to really manifest something very different. While an accountability partner is pretty obvious on the surface, it really means someone with whom you will be totally honest and report your results every week, possibly even more frequently.

I find something interesting in myself that you may find. I make a decision to move forward. I start with energy and gusto. We are moving down the path and just when you are about to move to the next level, the tendency is to move forward, emotional gravity begins to drag you back. Anxiety often sets in - at least that is what happens to me. When that happens, emotional gravity becomes like a tractor beam pulling be backwards. An accountability partner forces you to push through the anxiety, fears, doubts and keep moving forward.

Friday July 30

I watched Blind Side tonight. Great movie. This has been another week of transition for me. I had an insight after the movie. I have been wishing for the wrong thing most of my life. I have wishing for life to be easy. I have been wanting it to "happen." Somehow it would happen, almost effortlessly. Maybe it partially had to do with being the youngest in the family. Maybe it had a great deal to do with a lack of personal power at key points. Whatever the reason, that is what I wanted. I wanted someone else to do it for me. Someone to discover me.

Sure, I was willing to work hard. I have always worked hard. Truth is that I have worked harder than I should have at time.

So what should I have been wishing for? Actually, that is the wrong question. Asking what I should have been wishing for is a waste of time. I can't change what has already happened. I can only change the future. What am I going to be wishing for in the future?

That life will present me with opportunities to manifest my true greatness and that I will be up to the task.

July 29

Last night Tyler and I crashed in the living room and watched a movie. It has been an extremely busy summer. Drew's wedding, new clients, something on every weekend. Last weekend Chase and I went camping and had a great weekend, but you never sleep as good on the ground as you do in your own bed.

So, we determined on Monday evening that we would crash Wednesday night and watch the next Netflex moving coming our way. We met someone in Athens for sushi and then headed home. The movie was Broken Arrow. It is an old John Travolta and Christian Slater movie from the 90s about a disgruntled Air Force pilot who crashes a stealth bomber intentionally to steal the nuclear bonds and then bribe the government to get them back. We both remembered the movie as a good action packed thriller - mindless blow things up entertainment.

When the movie ended Tyler said, "The acting was terrible. I thought it was a great movie, though, when I was 13." While it was entertaining, Tyler was right. We both remembered the movie as being better than it actually was. Maybe acting , graphics, and pyrotechnics have improved since then, but what we remembered as great was not really as great as we thought it was.

A little like life isn't it. During this year of living intentionally I have realized that I don't want to go back to anything in the past. The memories of how it was are always different than it actually was. I am moving forward to a new future.

On another note, my sister Janice and I were talking yesterday afternoon and I made a comment about a major shift that has occurred during the last month. I have stopped worrying about most things. It is a true manifesting of a different future. I stepped back and realized that during this entire journey, things have always come through. Rather than being consumed by anxiety about the future, I learned to let it go.

Another move is that now there is the thought and focus on forward action, what I want.

July 28

There is an interesting phenomenon that has occurred since I started this process. While I made the emotional commitment to change and took action related to that, things begin to happen. It appeared almost like magic or that money or relationships came at exactly the right time. Whether it was money, relationships, or other things, they started happening after I made an emotional change and then begin to act.

The phenomenon leads to a major question. How much of what happens to us is because we program it to happen? Is it possible that we are actually in control of even more than we thought. (And I have always thought we were in control of a lot.)

In seminary the air was full of discussions about the nature of the universe, God, and who is in control of what. The predominate camps of thought were in the extremes - full control and no current control. God is actually in control of everything like the chess player moving the pieces on the board was one of the common camps. This was particularly popular with the more conservative crowd (of which there were a lot a Southern Baptist Theological Seminary). The other camp was closer to the deist view. God was the celestial clock maker. He built the universe, set it in motion, and then stepped out of the picture.

The middle ground was the concept of the dance. God can't do what he (or she) wants to do alone and neither can we. God is always inviting us to dance. When we say yes and step onto the dance floor, together we can do more than either one of us could do alone. I resinated with that concept for many years.

I am migrating now toward a model that is a spinoff of the dance model. I have not fully thought this through, but I get the sense that God wants us to be co-creators in the universe. Instead of asking the question, "What does God want me to do," the logical question for me now is "who was I created to be?" I was created, and I believe that we are instinctively driver to find meaning in our lives. Therefore, the driving question is not about what someone or something else wants me to do. The driving question is about who was I created to be.

In that train of thought, obedience is about discovery and manifesting, not following. Paradoxically, with good intentions, it seems that in our pursuit of following God in our lives we focused more on submission to someone else's path rather than discovering our path and what that means.

I leave with a thought. I now believe that our one task in life is to discover who we were created to be and then live that out in the time and space that we have with the people that we encounter. When we do that and we do it with gusto, magical things do seem to happen.

Friday, July 23

Transitions are always the hardest part. From a blog perspective, the challenge is working 12 hours a day and still finding the discipline to keep the blog updated. It is a good bit like keeping all of the pieces moving forward.

Latest updates are very good. While the physical fitness goals are off track some and the piano goals are off track some, the business goals are very much on track - which are the most important ones.

For years I have heard it said, and verbalized myself, that when you are ready the teacher comes. I truly belief it now. I have another thing to add to that thought. When you shift your mindset, opportunities begin to come available to you. After I made the decision to live intentionally for a year, I found that some opportunities began to present themselves to me. What is just coincidence, was I creating the opportunity, or was I simply seeing the things that were there all along? I am not fully sure. All I know is that when I got my mind cleared and my heart cleared that I suddently got contacts again that were off the radar screen during the months before.

July 14

Today I worked with someone that has been hired to continue the work that I have developed for new employees with a client. During our meeting there was a coaching moment that enabled me to explain in a simple manner what actually happens when anxiety occurs. You know if you have been reading this blog that I have been plagued with anxiety for many years. I am just mastering life without anxiety so it was exciting to describe what happens in a way that made sense to her and me.

She was a basketball players in high school, so we were using a basketball analogy. We were preparing for a meeting that she was to have with the owner of the company this afternoon. He is a great guy and the project that I have been working on is very important to the future of the company, so I wanted her to be comfortable and confident when she went into the meeting.

We were role playing numerous times. She would get stuck or started rambling and go blank. This happened numerous times. At one point, I realized that there was some anxiety underneath that was creating the blockage. I thought about a descriptor that was at least helpful for her and created some clarity for me.

Anxiety and fear create chatter in our mind. If we are not anxious or fearful, we tend to think clear and know what we need to do. When this happens, the wiring tells our body to do certain things and we do it. This person is a driven individual and applied her driverness during basketball. My guess is that she was a pretty good guard. I asked her what happened when she found herself being guarded by someone who she discovered was better than she was. It obviously created frustration and then anxiety.

In the discussion, I used this analogy. As long as you are confident in your ability and you have practiced things to the point of mastery, when you go in the game your instincts take over. You don't think about what you have to do, you just do it. But if someone is better than you, then it can shake your confident. When that happens, if we get anxious, then we get chatter in our mind. We are no longer thinking clear. The wiring that told our body to do certain things no longer works. When this happens we then start doing something different. We push too hard or we change our rhythm or something else. What has actually happened is that we have changed wires in our brain.

When we are not anxious we have trained our brain to do certain things without thinking. when anxiety happens, though, it is like we move from one wiring which tells our body to do something to another wiring that tells it to do something else. This other thing usually leads to actions that reinforce some negative belief. This is why anxiety leads to less than desirable results. Our wiring is sending signals for us to do something that will not help us achieve success.

July 12

Had a good weekend at Camp Merrie Woode. Caught up with some dear friends. Met on Friday with Yates Pharr at Falling Creek Camp to plan a big father/son weekend we are doing in August. There are a lot of things going on these days. In reflecting back over the past few months, I realize a couple of major changes that have occurred for me.

First, I have learned to finish things. I am still not great at it, but I am definitely better than I was. Second, I have learned to control my emotions instead of letting them control me. This is a huge breakthrough for me. In the past, my anxieties and fears certainly controlled me. I now can recognize when the fear and anxiety is creeping up and take action. Third, I have been able to focus on what I really want to do.

This sounds like such an easy set of things to understand and do, but as with almost all things, it is much easier to say than actually execute.

The major element that is still left to do is learning to take action externally, not just internally. Most as we go thorugh this week.

July 9

This week I have been thinking a lot about prosperity and success. Propsperity, these days, seems to be tied to making a lot of money or having a lot of stuff. I suppose that is one definition of prosperity. But prosperity, in its root sensse meetings growth. When something prospers it grows. It might be a relationship, a non-profit endeavor, a hobby, or a career.

It occurred to me that there are five keys for prosperity or success in anything you do. The first is that you must love what you do and the process to get to it. So, if you really want a relationship to prosper you must love the person and also the things that you do to build the relationship. If you want your career to prosper, you must love what you do and the process of doing it. If you don't love it, it will not prosper.

The second is you must separate your identity and self-worth from whatever you want to prosper. This may seem odd at first, but it is critical. If you have your self-worth tied up in something then it is hard to look objectively at it.

The third is you must be curious about it. What makes it work, how do I do it better, what are the little things that make it work right.

The fourth is you must nurture it. Nothing grows unless you nurture it.

The fifth is you must be persistent. Nothing will prosper unless you keep at it.

See you in a couple of days.

July 8

This blog has two major values for me. First, it creates a sense of accountability for me to take action. I realize that this has been a major stumbling block for me in years past. I was start things but then they would fizzle out. The second value of the blog is keeping the mirror up so that I can really see if I am doing what I say I want to do. It is one thing to say you want to do something. It is something completely different to actually do it. I am up early this morning working on doing it, not just talking about it.

I will be out of connection for a couple of days as I visit with two camps in North Carolina.

July 6

I am finally back focused again after the wedding, a week in Mexico and the catching up. I had a great insight last week that has helped me focus the future. I was reading Twyla Tharp's book, The Creative Habit. I would definitely recommend it. In the second chapter she asked the question - what is your creative DNA? What is that thing that most energizes you? What is that thing that makes you want to stay up late or get up early?

I started pondering the question about my own life. It did not take me long to identify my creative DNA - the study of the mind. It has always been a fascination for me. It has been at the center of everything that I done over the past 30 years that I really enjoyed. I love executive coaching because you are exploring the mind of the person you are working with and helping them learn to understand their own mind and how it is impacting their life. I remember as a teenager begin fascinated by stories of the monks in Southeast Asia that were able to regulate their body heat and stay outside in the cold with only their wraps for long periods of time.

I started thinking about the books that I have loved over the years. All of them had to with exploring the mind and how it can change your life. I thought about the journey that I have taken over the past three years. It has been a journey into my mind.

Grasping that incredible point has helped me refine and refocus the future for my business. the stuff that I have done over the past thirty years has been good stuff, but little of it was directly connected to my creative DNA. I realize now that I left the church and begin working with businesses, thinking that I could find personal power and prosperity in that realm. While I found some of both, unlimately, it never really gave me what I needed, because I was not focused on my creative DNA - helping others explore their mind and discover the potential that is there.

One more insight and I will stop today. I started thinking about how I describe myself. People ask you want you do. I have used all kinds of words to describe what I do over the years. Some of them have been elaborate and some skimpy, but they all felt hollow. So one day I started writing the sentence, "I am a..." I stopped and wasn't sure how to complete the sentence. At first I thought - minister. I am a minister, but that didn't fit. I don't really think of myself as a minister anymore. Then I thought, healer. But that did not ring true either. I don't think I have healed anyone but myself. The truth for me is that the people who heal others are few and far between - and they certainly are not on television. Then the word hit me that resonated with my heart.

I am a guide. My role is to help show people the way. I can walk with them for some of the journey, but untimately, we must all follow our own path. My job is to light the way so that you might find your path. That is the phrase that has stuck with we. I like it. It is like the searsucker suit that I bought for Drew's wedding. I put it on and I immediately liked it. It felt good. it felt right. It was me.

As I look at the future of the business and how I will spend my life, it will focus on being a guide - a light to others on the journey to find their path.

Monday, July 5

There have not been but two blogs during the past month. Much has happened in that time, both in the external world and the internal world. I will give you a snapshot now and we will continue with the details in the days ahead.

In the exterior world we had a wonderful and magical wedding for Drew and Elizabeth. From the rehearsal dinner through the reception (that ended with Drew and Elizabeth being thrown in the pool) it was a magical day. Much thanks to Chris and Kim Maddox for allowing the celebration to be at their house. That added to the magic of the day.

We left for a week in Mexico the day after the wedding with the Big Chill group. If you don't know group, they are three other couples that we have been getting together with every summer for the past 26 years. We all went to seminary together and three of the couples when to UGA together for undergraduate. It is like family. Actually, maybe closer than family.

It was a needed rest, as getting ready for the wedding and cleaning up after the wedding just about did us in. Patty, Genie Chamberlain (the wedding planner), and a host of helper did the flowers for the weeding and they were magnificent. Thanks to the big chill, Patty's brothers and sisters, and a few other friends we were able to clean up everything after the wedding and leave the Maddox farm in good shape.

Coming back from Mexico was a blur as it often is after a vacation. A week passed like a day. Then last week was equally busy.

There were also great insights in Mexico in terms of self awareness. There was the realization that I had focused most of my life on me, rather than thinking about others. There was the insight after getting back home, that I have spent too much time worry whether others are happy or not and not enough time just loving them. It was quite freeing to realize both of those insights. Admitting that you have been pretty narcissistic most of your life can be a tough pill to swallow. Recognizing that you don't have to stay that way can be very liberating.

The day that USA played Ghana in the world cup I stayed home and worked on something while the rest of the family went to a bar in Athens to watch the game. While the time that I spent was a good investment, I realized two important things that day. The first was that I am never again going to work while the family plays unless it is something that I really, really want to do. The second insight was that I am no longer worried about whether others are happy or not. It does not mean that I have become more narcissistic or uncaring. Actually, it is the exact opposite. In the past I have tied my identity to whether others were happy or not. This meant that if they weren't happy then I wasn't happy. That is a never ending game of trying to please others or get your worth from those outside of you. How often many of us, though, play that game.

One other thought and then I will go for today and give you another update tomorrow. We hit our financial goals for May and came close in June. From a physical fitness standpoint things have slid backwards. I made a conscious decision to stop my exercise routine when new business came and at the same time we were getting ready for the wedding. There just was not enough time in the day. Fourteen hour days of work, being with the family even a little, and getting ready for the wedding made exercise something that was expendable for the moment. We are back on track, though, with some new goals and directions. I will update you on these as we move forward.

From this point forward, the future is about action to manifest a very different and every enjoyable future. We are one third of the way through this year and already I can see the results of my focus and efforts. It has been both a stressful time and also a magical time. I have actually learned to walk by faith and take action to achieve a different future. See you tomorrow.

John

June 28,

Much has happened since my last blog three weeks ago. On June 12 Drew, our oldest son was married. A magical wedding. On June 13 Patty and I left for a week of vacation in Mexico with three close friends. Last week was a world wind of activity getting back into the groove. Lot has happened since our last blog. I have peeled the onion back a few more layers and learned more about me and what I need to do to live even more intentionally. I will update you later this evening or in the morning.

John

June 7

It is a delight to watch the girls at Merrie Woode grow. We have had the good fortune of working with Merrie Woode for 35 years now. Each year, the little girls in the youngest cabins - Do Come In, Mushroom, and Sunny Shack are just a joy to watch. I had a great time working with the Junior Counselors for a couple of hours on leadership. As rising seniors in high school, they are brimming with confidence and the "can do" spirit of a Merrie Woode girl.

As I was leaving Merrie Woode the need for time away to recoup was reinforced. If we don't do it on a regular basis, the emotional gas tank gets empty and we don't have anything to give ourselves or others.

Only five days till the wedding. Exciting times.

June 6

What a great day. Started with a walk around Fairfield Lake. Three miles. It was the first real exercise in about 8 weeks. I spoke at chapel this morning. There is something special about speaking at Merrie Woode. It is truly a sacred space. At the end of the talk I had the girls recite a prayer after me - Father, I am a gift from you to this world. Help me this summer to understand more about who I am and the great things that you want me to do.

After lunch I took a two hour nap. What a needed rest. Then, at campfire, Chase and I told Jack Tales. He was great. It was such fun getting ready for campfire - practicing the story we would tell. Drew and I and Tyler and I have tag teamed Jack Tales before, but not Chase. It was a rite of passage in the Brantley family. Here is how it goes. I start the story. At a strategic point, I stop and Chase jumps in and picks up the story. Then, at a strategic point, I step back in the tell more of the story. Then, Chase picks back up. It was great. Jim and Denice loved it and so did the campers and counselors.

All of my sons are such great guys. They are a joy to be with.

June 5

I almost killed myself today. Heat. We are getting the house ready for friends who are coming in for Drew's wedding on the 12th. Tyler was on the tractor cutting grass and I was push mowing around the house, barn, etc. The head index got to 105. I found myself collapsing under an oak tree to rest about 2:30. Tyler stopped and got me something to drink.

I am almost 57. The old body does not have the stamana that I had at 35. I am still in pretty good shape, but not as good as I need to be to cut grass when the real temperature is over 90.

Chase and I left to go to Merrie Woode about 3pm. We decided that if they have campfire Sunday night that we will tag team a Jack Tale. If you don't know about Jack Tales, you do know one - jack and the beanstalk. There are about a dozen or more stories about a boy named Jack.

When we pulled into Merrie Woode, we could feel the stress drop off. Campfire is on for Sunday night, so we better get ready. Carol Singletary, a friend, is staying at High Heaven - the house were we stay. Great to catch up with her.

June 4

Today Tyler and I worked with a client in Columbus, GA doing executive coaching. Columbus is 3-4 hours from Athens. It gave us lots of talk time in the car. I realize how much I enjoy working with Tyler. He is a very gifted young man. His instincts for working with people and coaching people are strong.

Tomorrow Chase and I are off again to Merrie Woode. I am speaking Sunday and then working with the Junior Counselors on Monday morning.

June 3

When I was at Merrie Woode last weekend, I had difficulty going to sleep. I realized again that when you have one great insight, you peal the layers back only to see that there is so much more to learn and so much more growth to take place. This is in a good sense, not in a “your not there yet” or “your not good enough” sense. I was at camp helping with counselor orientation. It is one of the most peaceful places on earth, and one of the most joyous. The windows were open in the bedroom. I could hear the waterfall rushing across the rocks and pounding the rocks at the bottom of the falls. It usually creates a restful sleep.

Unfortunately, I found that I could not let my mind slow down. The chatter in the mind was moving at breakneck speed. I would try to calm it and I would then begin thinking about what I was going to talk about the next day. It is the voice in my head that was not slowing down.

I finally was able to calm the voice and I had a restful night’s sleep. Very restful. I awoke at 6am relaxed. In the fuzzy zone I realized that everything about my historical actions has been busyness.

I also realized that my never maximized my potential because I was always hurrying from one thing to the next. I found it in relationships, in my work, in my exercise, in my writings, in my presentations and facilitation of things.

I knew that there was a reason for me to be at Merrie Woode. This was it. I slowed down the next day and really focused on living in the moment. It was probably the best counselor training session in many days.

June 2

Not only did I hit my goal for May, we are on our way to hitting our goal for June. Something interesting and very powerful has happened. I have been about over the past three days to simply not worry. At times when I would have been consumed by worry, I have been able to recognize it when it starts coming and let it go.

I have often said that the other world that you want is on the other side of letting go and I am right.

May 30

A shift in awareness has occurred. Chase spent the night with a friend Saturday night and came home about 11:30. I was planning to leave for Merrie Woode by 1pm. Chase wanted to start cutting the neighbor’s field. In the past I would have set everything up for Chase and sent him out to cut without really teaching him anything. He took the finishing mower off. He took the put the bushhog on. He had to check the oil, etc. He had to walk the field. I walked over and watched him cut the first two swipes. I helped him with a technique to get the grass that was pushed down by the tractor wheels but not cut. The bottom line is that instead of doing it for him, it became a learning experience.

May 29

About 4:30 I got up as I often do to go to the bathroom. I will often go into the study and lay down on the sofa. It supports my back and is a cozy way to get more sleep. I did this today and drifted off to sleep pretty quickly. Some time around 7am I began to drift out of sleep into the netherland zone that is that zone betwen awake and asleep.

If I am dealing with anything emotionally, it will usually show in this neatherland. What I encountered this morning was the very opposite. I had a deep sense of peace as I was in the zone. I had the sense that I had found that peace I have been searching for.

When I was in college Campus Crusade did a marketing campaign entitled, I found it. It was obviously about finding the love of Christ. I thought the whole campaign was a little hokey. This morning, though, there was nothing hokey about it. I had the sense that I had found it. I had experienced that peace that indeed passes all understanding.

It was nice.

May 28

I had a great day with a client today. I also had the craziest ride home ever. I have a Mazda MX-5 convertible. It was a beautiful day and I was meeting Patty for supper in Athens after work. I decided to make the right with the top down. The ride to Athens was great until I got to Arcade. I saw the dark cloud ahead, but thought I had time to stop and get my top up. I was wrong. As soon as I passed City Hall I saw sheets of rain ahead. There was no place to pull over. As long as I was moving I barely got wet. But the minute I stopped to get the top up I was soaked.

Great meal with Patty. It has been a while since just the two of us had supper together.

May 27, 2010

Worry, what a waste of time. How difficult it is, thought, to stop. That is my thought for the day. There was something looming in the near future for me the past two weeks. Even though everything has worked out over the past four months, how easy it was for me to worry that everything would fall apart. Logically it did not seem to be that way, but I found it virtually impossible to keep the worry at bay.

Finally, yesterday, it all played out. It was exactly as I thought it would be. There was no need to worry. The worrying was probably the tipping point that sent my back into spasms a few weeks ago.

If one is to live intentionally, there does come a time when one must recognize the worry for what it is – emotional gravity trying to pull you back to the belief systems that have driven you in the past. Sure, the thoughts will still come, but they are simply thought. You do not have to be controlled by them.

The positive lining in the past few weeks is that even when I struggled to keep the worry and anxiety at bay, I was still practicing the art of finishing them. Getting things done to move forward is now the name of the game.

May 25, 2010

Rest is critical. Working long hours and doing multiple things at the same time tends to wear you down. It is also one of the places where you separate those who make the change and those who are content to slow down or stop. The greatest challenge, even when you are making the change, is staying focused.

The father/son weekend was great, but very tiring. There was no time to rest. Went immediately into completing work with a client and then on the road today to work with another client. Sometimes it is hard to see the progress. One has to keep moving with the confidence that it is working toward a new future.

Maybe Mario Andretti, the great formula one driver, was right, “If everything seems under control, you're just not going fast enough.” Things are definitely are not seeming under control.

May 24

A couple of exciting things happened last week. I mentioned in my blog last week that a client and had a tremendous breakthrough. She wanted to really change her life but had to face some difficult experiences from her past for that change to occur. She did it. She still has other things to explore, but she is on the right path.

This weekend I watched as many of the fathers and sons in our BAM father/son weekend had major breakthroughs in their relationships. All of these dads wanted to have deeper relationships with their sons. What most of them needed was the structure and process to build that deeper relationship. That is what happens in the BAM weekend – intentional structure to build relationships.

I realize on reflection that most of us want to make change, but we have two dilemmas that get in the way. We either don’t know how to make the change or we are afraid to take the step to make it happen. To get through both of these dilemmas, one critical action must occur. We must ask for help. Help is out there. But if you don’t ask for help the future becomes almost impossible to manifest. When you ask for help, though, and then follow through with what is within your control, the future beings to materialize.

We have everything within us to become the wonderful person we were created except one thing. We need a guide to help us see the things we can’t see on our own and help us take the steps that we may be afraid to take.

I am realizing more and more that the role of the guide is one of my major gifts.

May 23, 2010

I have not blogged for the past two days because Drew, Tyler and I were leading a BAM Adventures father/son retreat with Falling Creek Boys Camp in Tuxedo, North Carolina. We had our first weekend with Falling Creek last fall. Ten father and son pairs were a part of that great weekend. This weekend, though, was more challenging.

Twenty four father and son pairs gathered at Falling Creek this weekend for the BAM Adventures weekend. In addition, another sixty father and son pairs attended a regular father/son weekend at Falling Creek. It was a full camp of fathers and sons – over 150 people in all.

What an exciting weekend. The BAM Adventures guys did a great father/son adventure race on Saturday morning. In the afternoon they built sling shots and had a competition. In the evening the fathers presented their sons with a special gift symbolizing their journey to manhood and then we shared a very meaningful time around the campfire. As we do in all of our father/son weekends, there were plenty of intentional discussions between dads and sons. Watching fathers and sons talk openly is one of the most exciting parts of the weekend.

This morning was one of my favorite times at our BAM Adventures father/son events – the circle of affirmation. This is a time when the sons identify what they like about them selves, what they are good at, and what they enjoy doing. They then share this with all of the men in the group. It is a great time of affirmation and confidence building.

One of the highlights for me is doing it with Drew and Tyler. They are both such confident and dynamic men. They were like pied pipers with the sons.

After lunch we spent time debriefing the weekend with Yates Pharr, owner of Falling Creek, and Watson Mulkey, a tremendous member of the Falling Creek and now BAM Adventures team. We have a huge program coming us at the end of camp in August with another group.

The weekend reminded me of the power that is discovered when you put fathers and sons together in an intentional environment where they do things together and the have intentional pre-planned discussions. Add the incredible camp setting of Falling Creek and it doesn’t get any better than this.

In the forward to Thich Nhat Hanh’s book, Peace in Every Step, the Dalai Lama wrote these words, “Although attempting to bring about world peace through internal transformation of individuals is difficult, it is the only way.” I thought about those words this weekend as I watched the relationships between fathers and sons blossom. The only way to change the world is one person at a time. The best way to change growing young men is to help them build a strong relationship with their dad. That is what BAM Adventures is all about.

May 20, 2010

Had a phenomenal experience this afternoon. A friend and I are bartering services. I needed some assistance and she was ready to make some real changes in her life. It has been a mutually beneficial process. Today, we made a major breakthrough on her journey. The process that I experienced and have refined for exploring your subconscious is indeed a pathway for growth for those that are ready. She had tried numerous paths to address some emotional events from her past, but always came up short. Not any more.

Using the same process that I have experienced and now understand with great detail, we were able to get back to a major emotional wound in her past and she found the personal power to confront it and bring healing to it. It was quite exhilarating to be able to help someone breakthrough and find the personal power to confront the past.

I am learning more every time I help someone with this process. I am now confident that the vast majority of us need a guide to help us unravel our subconscious and find a new future. We can’t do it alone. A guide, though, is not responsible for taking the journey for us. The guide is there to light the path. We must take the journey. That is what I actually did with this friend.

She had tried meditation in the past but was too afraid to face the past alone to venture very deep. Last week she was able to get back to the experience but was so frightened by it that she came of the meditative state. Before we started today, we talked a good deal about the experience as best she could remember it. I then offered her my assistance should she need it. We visualized a key that she put in her pocket. When she got back to that place of pain again this week, if should panicked and wanted to run, she was simply to say key and I would provide the supplemental energy to face the fear. She never had to use it. She found the strength within herself to face the moment and subsequently, begin the process of creating a new future.

There is still work to do, but facing that first painful wound is the key. Once you realize you have the personal power to confront the past and emerge victorious, you are energized to explore deeper.

Afterwards we talked about the book, The Secret, which she had read. The essence of the book is that you manifest what you think about. So, if you want something different you have to think about something different. The basic idea of the book is correct. You do manifest what you think about. But it is not your conscious thoughts that you manifest, it is your unconscious thoughts. You can say, “I am worthy,” or “I am successful,” all day, but if in your inner being you don’t really believe that, the mind and body always pay attention to the inner conversation. Change that, which we began doing today, and you will indeed change your life.

The human mind is a wonderful gift. If we know how to unlock its secrets, we will be rewarded with a richer and fuller life.

May 19

Another amazing thing happened yesterday. Out of the blue I got another call from a client from the past for potential work in July. Also, more work with an existing client. There is a change, though, than the past. In the past I would have been content to relax. I realize now that this is just transition stuff for us to actively market in the future.

May 17, 2010

I found something interesting happening today. This weekend I finally experienced being rested – the first time in quite a while. I don’t think I have really been rested in weeks and weeks. Not only did I lose weight (which I think happens better when you are rested) but I found myself more at peace. That led to a decision today – to spend one day focused in the moment. Instead of being consumed with worrying about the future or thinking about the past – just living in the present.

The day was a much better day. I accomplished as much as I did any day that I stressed from beginning to end. Plus, I left with more energy. I have also started swimming again which I think is helping.

I said yesterday that now is a time for action. I am learning more about action – the right action – every day. Tyler was at the office today working on father/son stuff. I was with a client. Tomorrow is another day for right action. The marketing begins tomorrow. First in a small wave, then wave after wave after wave. There is no value in playing it small any more. I have been given a gift. It is my job to share it.

I read a great quote at the front of one of Chase’s journal books this weekend. It is attributed to Kung Fu.

The past is history.
The future is a mystery.
Today is a gift.
That is why they call it the present.

May I accept the gift of today with graciousness, thanksgiving, and the spirit of action.

May 16, 2010

Today is Tyler’s birthday. Happy Birthday Tyler, if you are reading this. Today marks another turn in the journey of the year of living intentionally. Already, after just two and a half month the journey has taken me places I would not have believed. Some magical things have happened – the most important being that I now believe that the future will be realized.

When I started the year of living intentionally, it was after 18 months of deep introspection. Virtually all my energy during that time was inward. It was a tremendous, and also very scary, journey. I looked deeper than ever before. I faced my own fears and anxieties. I faced my own dragons and demons and emerged victorious. I realize in hindsight that it was my own soul, longing to be healthy, that was the catalyst for the whole journey. I was ready to get healthy, whether I wanted to, consciously, or not.

Once the bulk of the inner work was completed my own soul again made the next turn. Realizing that it was time to move forward and begin focusing outward the question began to burrow from deep in my subconscious into the light of conscious thought. On the way to work with a client, early in the morning, it hit me. What would happen in my life if I lived for a full year very intentionally? Instead of thinking about doing things, actually doing them. Instead of running from fears and anxieties, facing them and creating a new future. After considering it for two months, I took the plunge and began the journey and this blog February 28.

What I have discovered over the past two and a half month is the transformation that occurs when you make a commitment to be very intentional about something – anything. Putting yourself out there can be a little scary, but it is the only way to make real change in your life.

This weekend marks the beginning of the next leg of the journey. I realize now that there is nothing final about the journey. There is no destination where I can cross the finish line and sit back. It is an ongoing journey with layer after layer of understanding. There are times of rest and times of work. There are also times for action. That is the essence of this leg of the journey.

I made a commitment to generate a set amount of business every month. It was based on my desire to grow the business and also get out of the debt that occurred during these past few years of economic chaos. Amazingly, four new clients came into the picture out of the blue. Guess what? We hit our goal for May.

I realized this weekend, though, that the new clients were simply a bridge to the next leg of the journey. To realize that goal month after month requires proactive marketing with prospects and clients. This leg marks a different kind of action. Prior to the blog the action was focused internally. It was a necessary action because I could never be where I am today without the internal work. Cleaning out my own attic was essential before I could follow my path. Now we begin the action of growing the business and actively making the future come alive.

In the past I wanted the future to magically appear. I did not want to actively market and work with prospects. I realize now that action is the place where the future starts. Right action in the moment is the place where the future begins. This part of the journey will involve actively inviting others to share this journey to transform their lives. It will mean building a new generation of leaders who not only get results, but inspire people to find and follow their path to do great things in their lives.

Enough for now. More tomorrow.

May 15, 2010

We are within the 30 day window for Drew's wedding. Drew is our oldest son. Thinking about Drew's wedding, I think about the importnace of following your dreams and reaching for the stars. All of us have dreams in our lives at some point that we want to manifest. These dreams are real and important to us. Unfortunately, few of us realize these dreams. Not because we can't, but because we somehow don't think that we deserve theme or that we really have what it takes to achieve them. Both of these ideas are wrong. We do deserve them and we do have what it takes to achieve them.

When I look around at the lives that most of us live I see people that are resigned to live and get less than they really want in their lives. I have found that to be true in my life in the past. One of the challenges of the year of living intentionally is to keep focused on the things that you really do want, that new dream, and then building the belief system and actions that manifest it.

Friday, May 14, 2010:

It was a very energizing day today. Chandler Creel went with Tyler and me to work with a client and we churned a great deal of work today. We actually put Chandler to work and he jumped right in.

We have made it through a tough week. That is the way growth is, though, some weeks can be tough. Just a part of the journey. No one said it was going to be easy. Time to relax and watch a movie.

May 13, 2010

Valuable lesson yesterday. Don't let your feelings control your actions. I know it is much easier to say it than do it, but it is a key to fearless living. When we allow our fears to dictate our actions we are continually being tossed around like someone on a roller coaster ride. That is probably a good analogy. If we can resist letting them control us, then we can find greater power to control them. Another reality is that if you just keep pushing through, there is light at the end of the tunnel.

Wednesday, May 12. 2010

It has been too long since I last posted to the blog. Won't happen again except on vacation. It has been a challenging week or so. Too much to do and not enough time. Last weekend it all came to a head in my back. My back locked down like it has not done in ten years. I have not been exercising for the past two months. I have also been sitting in a chair at work all day and it has been too much for the back. Thanksfully Denise Patterson, a great masseuse was able to give me some relief. it will be a few days before it is back to normal.

As I have said many times before, making real change is hard. There are waves of times when you are moving at a rapid pace and things work out and then there are times when you feel like you are trudging through mud and can't make the next step. I do know that the only course for me is to keep moving forward. No going back.

April 30, 2010

The May Miracle begins officially tomorrow, but it is already underway. A confirmed new client today. That makes the total for the month at four new clients. The May Miracle goal is $40,000. We are over half way there and the month has not started.

April 29, 2010:

Today something great happened. We have a great project for the next 90 days and while we are doing this project Tyler and I are going to be building our business from the ground up to rocket into the future. The energy is bursting forth.

April 27, 2010

Great day to day at work. Also, had a true idea for the future of the business on the way home from work. I have found that when you refuse to give up and you also refuse to run from your problems, things begin to happen in a positive way. There is something about refusing to run from fears and refusing to give up that can be transformational.

When you push yourself outside of your comfort zone there are new answers that come your way.

April 26, 2010

It is funny how things begin to turn. It is not like things happen overnight but you begin to see a pattern. I look back over the past few years and I see a clear pattern. I decided I didn't want to live like I was living and so I set in motion the situations where the things that used to work didn't work any more. I don't blame anyone else. It was clearly me, in hindsight, saying, "I don't want to think like this any more and I don't want to act like this." I couldn't admit it openly to myself, though, so the old subconscious kicked the wheels in motion.

If you wondering what the "live that way any more" means it was that I was trying always trying to get there. I was tired of wanting others to take care of me. Tired of doing things that really were not a part of who I was.

There are a couple of other things that have been critical on the journey. First, I decided to ask for help. Whether it was spiritual help, financial help, emotional help, physical help. I finally found the courage to start asking others. I think that I was actually saying, "I not only can't do this on my own any more, but I don't want to do it alone anymore."

Another critical step was that I stopped running. I started facing my fear. That was a huge thing. Another step that is emerging now is that I am moving forward with energy, not trying to run on my heels - going forward with part of my trying to hold back. In this environment I see things different and am not acting different. Exciting times are ahead.

April 24, 2010

I have not posted a blog since Thursday. Chase, our youngest, has the lead role in Les Miserables at his school and time has been consumed between the play, family in from out of town, and work.

I had a very exiciting thought today as I was working on the fearless living process that I have developed. Chase is 17. About age 15 he figured out what he really wanted to do. He was a dancer and an actor. I have since discovered that he can also sing. Notice that I didn't say he wanted to be a dancer and actor. He was a dancer and actor.

He did what anyone who follows the path of fearless living and intentional living does. Instead of trying to always get there, or be good enough he began to think of himself as a dancer and actor. We saw a marked difference in his performance from that point forward.

The journey to live very intentionally is about being rather than doing. Most of us, me included, spend way too much of our time trying to "get there" rather than living in the present out of our being. When we do that, live out of our being, the magic begins to happen. When we live out of our being we see ourselves and the world around us in a different light. We see opportunity where opportunity did not exist before. We see the path to success (whatever we are seeking to succeed at) where we only saw trees before.

Tonight is the last night of the play. It will be tremendous.

Wednesday, April 21, 2010

The journey of intentional living is a great deal like peeling back the layers of an onion. You peel back a layer and think that you have found everything you need to find only to discover that there is another layer underneath with more to learn.

The exciting part, though, is that a pattern seems to be emerging. You have the major things to face in your life. Once you face these, the other things seem to get smaller and smaller.

Another pattern is that in the early days you are exhilarated by facing your fears and conquering them. At some point, though, there comes the desire to begin moving forward to a new future. Here might be the right picture.

You start by realizing that you want more than what you have now in your life. It is either a proactive or a reactive movement. You either see something about life that you want more of, or you realize that you don’t want to stay where you are. When that happens you lose energy to continue doing what you are doing now. If you don’t do anything at this point you begin slipping into compression (the precursor to mild depression). If you begin exploring what is going on within you, though, you move in a different path. You begin the journey to understand why you are where you are now. This is the opening of the door in to fearless living.

What you go down that path you find obstacles in your path. You find things that you must face. Depending upon your emotionally hooks to the present you either face them or run from them. What many people desire is the knowledge of what they emotional hook is. They don’t really want to remove the hook and live free of that emotional hook. They simply want to now what it is. There are others, though, who want to be free from the emotional hook. These individuals who want to be free of the emotional hook move one step further down the path of fearless living.

When you decide to face them you take the next step on the journey of fearless living. Somewhere in the process of facing the fear and refusing to run from it, you find the power to confront it. When you do, your inner world is altered. By confronting the fear and finding the power to change things you free yourself from being controlled by the fear.

This is another place where people choose to stop on the journey to fearless living. They are so relieved to confront the first fear that they want to bask in the glow of having faced it and not died emotionally.

Those who continue down the path of fearless living recognize that power to live fearlessly is found in the relentless pursuit of uncovering things that inhibit our real living.

Somewhere along the way the energy turns from inward to outward. The focus moves toward living out of my power rather than simply using it for insight and awareness.

Day Forty nine

My sisite, Janice, did me a great favor. She took quotes from Joel Olstean's latest book and turned them into cards for me to review daily. what an inspiration. I am embarking on a real business growth process today and they were an inspiration. specific goals for the next six weeks - $40,000.

Day Forty Seven

I rarely write my blog in the morning. It is usually at the end of the day. At the lake, though, there is time to think, something that I do not usually have at home. I had a restless sleep last night. From 4:30 until 7:30 it was off and on sleep.

Yesterday was both a good day and a frustrating day. It was good in the sense that we met with a new client. Also, Tyler and I had a chance to talk about what we wanted the men’s society to do and the structure we thought would be most effective. It was frustrating in three ways. First, Tyler and I had planned to get away early to the lake to write. Getting a new client was more important than writing in the AM, but it did throw the schedule for the weekend off. Second, Tyler is struggling with something which most likely has to do with his relationship with me. There was a tension in the air, but he was not interested in talking about it. It created a level of frustration in me. I realized in hindsight that I got hooked by his feelings in the same way that I have been hooked in the past. Third, Patty always hates to be by herself, which created some funkiness when we were leaving.

All of that I internalized last evening. I was tired in the first place from a busy week of work. That did not help. I found that it brought up anger in me. I was exhausted when I went to bed. In my fitful sleep this morning a couple of insights came to me.

First, I was allowing feelings and emotions in others to control me. It is one thing to recognize these feelings and emotions in others. It is another thing completely to let them control me. It is either tapping into my need to please others or something else, but the insight was a good one. I want to love and be able to empathize with others, but I do not want or need other people’s feelings and emotions controlling me. It was another layer of insight on the journey. This year of living intentionally has already reaped huge benefits. There will be many more to come.

When you are no longer afraid, you can look objectively at who you are and what is happening. You can choose to act rather than being hooked. That is a major point of fearless living – knowing that you can choose.

Second, a meditation discipline for the day emerged. I was laying in bed and three thoughts that came to me. The first was to bathe the day in love at the start of the day. It was less of a ritual act than it was an emotional start for the day. There will always be stuff during the day – problems, stresses, clutter. Bathing the day in love means centering and focusing myself on love and the power of love within me as the day gets started. When I thought of love the color blue came to my mind - a pale blue that then turned to white.

The second thought was a thought of action. If you have been reading these blogs you know that finishing things has been an issue with me for years. That has changed and the thought of action was important for positive movement. So, the thought was love that translates into action. Again, a color came to mind – green. I think maybe the green light symbolism was active. Whatever the reason, green was the color that popped into my mind.

The third thought was results - love that translates into action and accomplishes a positive result. Sometimes in the past I have focused on busyness rather than results. I have come to believe that busyness is action originating in fear rather than love. When the action originates in love is has sustainability. When action rooted in love sustains itself over time it will lead to positive results. I guess the idea of bathing was now active because the color gold immediately came to mind. Gold obviously is a multi-faceted symbolic color. Gold is a royal color, it is the symbol of financial wealth, and it is a highly valued substance. The mythology of the alchemist was that he could turn lead into gold. Bathing myself in gold is the result of love that translates into action consistently over time.

That is how the morning will begin in the days ahead - a physical bath and also an emotional, spiritual, and psychological bath to clean the soul and prepare it for the day with love, action, and results.

Day Forty Six

We went to visit a new client today. It was great to be back in front of a client listening to their needs and helping them find solutions. Tyler and I are up at the lake working on material.

We will hit the writing hard tomorrow.

Day forth six – April 16, 2010

Exciting day today. Go to meet a new client. Tyler and I are getting away when we get back to writing and planning. I may miss tomorrow. I lave learned that there is no internet where we are, which is actually fine with me. Being disconnected for a couple of days is great. There will be lots to write about on Sunday.

Day Forth Seven – April 15, 2010

Well, you aren’t going to believe this. Two new clients in a week. Here I was with only one new client in the past ten months and suddenly two in one week. I think that things are moving.

I will look back and call May the May Miracle. We are going to start new things moving. Tyler and I are having up to Bob Googe’s place on the lake for the weekend to write after we get home from meeting with this client tomorrow.

Plus, I am making a presentation to another client next week.

The men’s weekend was another kick starter for the future. I have actually learned to “finish the drill.” Quite exciting.

If you don’t hear from me until Sunday it is because we did not have internet reception at the lake.

Day Forth Five

It was a good day today. I am learning to complete things. And, I am learning to simplify, simplify, simplify. I am working on a program for a client and I am breaking it down to the point where I can make it simple for everyone. I like the direction things are moving.

Plus, out of the blue I got an email from a client that a proposal I submitted months and months ago is finally going to happen.

Good stuff happening. I am still reflecting on the men’s weekend at the barn and I know that it was the start of something big.

Day Forthy Three

Some musings from the weekend. Today was the funeral for Will Chamberlin. Will was a friend that I met through First Presbyterian. It was an inspiration to be in the service. It was the most uplifting funeral I have attended in many years. Even though Will died way too early in life, what he did with his life was an inspiration to all men. He lived it. He loved it. He embraced it.

Last evening some of the young men who attended the men's weekend at the barn spent the night at the house. They spent most of the evening around the campfire at the back of the property. It was extremely exciting to find them actively engaged in the weekend experience. I think that the men's weekend was the start of something extremely large and powerful.

When preparing for the college sunday school class that I teach I found a new insight about the sermon on the mount. Finding some of the historical definitions of the key words, it is very apparent that the sermon on the mount was a pathway to discovery, and the beatitudes are the key that unlocks the door. They offer a sequence of understandings and actions that manifests the kingdom within us.

Day Forty Two – April 10, 2010

It may look like a number of days have elapsed, but in fact it has only been two since I last made a note. In the past month and a half, if I missed a day of discussion I did not note it, I simply continued with the next day. Day 42 reflects that it has been 42 days since I started the journey of intentionality.

Yesterday and today were phenomenal days. When I started this year of living intentionally, one of my goals was to create a gathering of men. This weekend was the inaugural gathering of a new order of men. It was a thrilling experience.

A few months ago I mentioned to two friends, Bruce and Wayne Middendorf, that I wanted to do a men’s weekend. I knew that both of them would be interested and we checked their schedules to find a weekend that would work for the three of us. About a month ago my son, Tyler, and I began to formula the strategy for the weekend. The chemistry of putting it together with Tyler was quite energizing.

Our goal was very simple – create a new cross generational society of men committed to intellectual and spiritual curiosity, positive accountability, and inspiring each other to do great things.

On Friday evening 11 men met for supper and discussion to outline our vision for the group and get feedback from the group. The group ranged in age from 21 to almost 60. Tyler created a great lasagna, so one of the major ingredients – food – was off to a good start. Tyler and I outlined our desire to create a group that would foster honest discussion, mutual support, positive accountability, and inspiration for great action. We both shared our thoughts about the importance of intergenerational adult male community and the power that we all bring to the group.

We knew Friday evening that we were on the right track. We finished at 9:15 and people continued to talk until 9:45.

Today fifteen gathered at 9:00 for breakfast. Patty cooked sweet potato biscuits, which were officially designated a permanent part of future gatherings. The format for the day was simple. A short presentation related to the man journey would be followed by small group discussion. Each presentation would be accompanied by a set of discussion questions, so the discussion would be focused and intentional.

I spoke on the hero’s journey from Joseph Campbell’s book, Hero with a Thousand Faces. Loyd Allen, who teaches spiritual formation and church history at McAfee School of Theology at Mercer University, spoke on Male Spirituality. The level of honesty and openness in the group was very refreshing. I have been in a number of group experiences in the past 40 years, but this was the most refreshing, honest, open, and encouraging that I can remember.

To a person, there was excitement about being a part of a group of men committed to building a new community that would inspire all of us to become more of the person we were created to be.

At the conclusion we talked about how to keep the process moving forward. I left thankful that my journey has shifted from simply an inward journey, focused just on me, to include an outward element that brings adult men of all ages together.

It was inspirational to me.

Day Thirty One

In the Alchemist, the major theme is this – when you find your passion the whole world conspired to help you achieve it. It is true. I realized in preparation for the men’s weekend coming up that just planning for this event has strengthened my resolve on my journey to live intentionally. I have been surprised at the number of people who have shown interest in the weekend. I can’t wait to see what happens during and after the weekend.

Day Thirty

It looks like Tyler, our son who graduated from Sewanee in May, will be staying around and working with me. I am very excited. Drew and I worked together for four years after he graduated from Sewanee. It was a great time to be together as father and son. In some small way it helped him, I think, make the transition to teaching. It certainly was great for me to work with him. I cherish that time together.

Working with Tyler will be equally exciting. They are both great men, but different in their interests and gifts. It was helpful for me to work with Drew when I did. I believe it will be equally helpful for me to work with Tyler. Tyler brings a different type of energy and a different skill set than Drew. My hope is that our time together will be as beneficial for Tyler as it was for Drew.

Traction is taking place. Each Sunday I will post what my results were for this week. You may not be interested, but it is my way to be accountable for real results rather than just talking about results.

We began focusing tonight on the content for our men’s weekend and the forming of a new brotherhood of men who are committed to doing great things and inspiring others to do the same. Already I can see synergy between Tyler’s ideas and mine. It will be a great weekend. We are going to record it and we will be putting clips on youtube as well as our website.

If you are reading this, and you are a guy, and you would like to be a part of the weekend, call us – Tyler’s cell is 706-424-2721. My cell is 706-424-2725. you know my email. We can send you directions.

Day Twenty Nine

What a great day today. Yesterday, Patty’s sister, Cindy, her brother, John, and most of their families, along with a few friends gathered at the house for supper. It was great fun and a very relaxed time. Two nephews, Daniel and Travis, one guy that I call a nephew even though we aren’t actually related, Chandler, and a friend of Daniel’s stayed at the house last night. This morning all the guys had our traditional Easter breakfast – quiche, grits, great coffee, and croissants. It was such a celebration to be with this great group of young men and just enjoy their company.

Our service at First Presbyterian in Athens was maybe the best Easter service I have ever attended. The music was spectacular, the sermon was great, and the whole atmosphere was electrifying. It made me proud to be a member of the church.

After church, 44 family and friends gathered at our house for Easter lunch. What a time of celebration. Like all of our gatherings, it was a covered dish feast. From Vera’s fried okra to Martha’s field peas and creamed corn, to Susan’s deviled eggs it was a feast. Maybe the most exciting part was that people truly enjoyed being there. You could tell that people enjoyed each other’s company. Friends, family, those who were there for the first time truly enjoyed being together.

We had a treat in the afternoon. Justin Wallace, Patty’s cousin’s son who is in the Navy, was home on leave and came by with his girlfriend. Everyone was gone except Sheryl, his mom, Brent, Sheryl’s husband, and Shanna, Justin’s sister. We had a great visit.

As we collapsed on the sofa, I thought about how lucky I really am.

The sermon was entitled, Morning has Broken. We also sang the song by the same name. Indeed, on this Easter, a new day and a new spirit was born.

Day Twenty Eight

I woke at 4:30 this morning to use the bathroom and could not go directly back to sleep. Being Saturday morning, I did something unusual. I went into the kitchen and meditated for a while. During the meditation I had a fascinating insight that correlates to my current perspective on following Jesus.

In one of my earlier blogs I wrote that Jesus did not want us to worship him. Instead, he wanted us to follow him. The comment was also made that following Jesus does not mean following a set of Jesus rules. That is the opposite of what Jesus would desire for anyone. My take is that Jesus wants us to follow his light to discover who are created to be.

The question for most people is, “Where is this journey of discover going to lead me?”

In my meditation, I had an insight related to the destination. It was probably my recent watching of the Matrix again that sparked my thoughts. I recently saw one of the scenes were Morpheus, played by Lawrence Fishburn, tells Neo, played by Keanu Reeves, that he is the chosen one.

In the meditation, for some reason, I said, “I am the chosen one.” I didn’t like the sound of it. It wasn’t right. It made a presupposition that my instincts told we was not accurate. Then I said it again, but in a different way, “I am the chosen one,” I thought, “to be me.” It clicked. I realized that ultimately, that is everyone’s destination – embracing the call to be who we are created to be. When we embrace that call emotionally, intellectually, and physically, the doubt and fear begin to subside and the future becomes clear.

In looking back I realize that the resistance to embrace my true self and love myself was the stumbling block that always held me back. My limitations in the past had nothing to do with my capabilities. It had everything to do with my mind.

I see it every day in almost every situation I encounter - people who can’t embrace who they are. The layers of guilt, negative feelings, unresolved anger, and God knows what else become an emotional, physical, mental, and spiritual barrier that keeps us from embracing our uniqueness. It is the ultimate rejection of God. Isn’t it odd that the one thing that we must do to really experience the power and grace of God, is the one thing that virtually everyone avoids and even the church discourages at times.

Think about what happens when we know who we are, and who we are created to me. Think about what happens when we embrace this knowledge with our whole being. Only when we embrace the uniqueness can we say, “yes, I am the chosen one to be me.” I don’t want to be my mother’s or father’s version of me. I don’t want to be what society or even my church wants me to be. I don’t want to be my wife’s or my son’s version of me. I want to be the me that I was created to be.

On this Easter eve, may the images that others have of me die within me so that the version that I was created to be can be born.

Day Twenty Seven:

It was a good day with my client today and a great evening. The family gathered at Patty’s brother’s house along with most of her family. Tremendous time of great food and great fellowship. Madison and Carissa, my nieces, are spending the night at our house tonight. I have watched both of them grow up over the years and it is such fun to see them as they enter and bloom in adolescence. Their own unique personalities come out and they are both a delight.

Chase and I sat down before we crashed tonight and played music. Me on the piano and Chase on the banjo this time. Even when we can’t hit the notes together, it is great fun.

Tyler may be staying with us past the summer, so I think he is getting ready to be immersed in the business.

More tomorrow when there is more time.

Day Twenty Six

Tonight we went to the Maundy Thursday service at our church. What a great service it is. Somber, but a very meaningful service. I was struck by two things during the service.

The first was a profound sense of what Jesus must have felt knowing that he was heading to an obvious death. I don’t think that Jesus was waltzing through those days knowing that everything was going to work out in the end. He knew the probability for the future and he knew that he really didn’t want that choice. On the other hand, he also had set his course in life and was committed to that course, whatever the consequences.

I abandoned the notion of the sacrificial system connected to Jesus a long time ago. The idea that Jesus died for my sins, like me slaughtering my first lamb just didn’t fit for me. The sacrificial system understanding of God does not fit with my understanding and the world that we live in today.

I wrestled with that idea for a number of years. How is Jesus really relevant for me? It hit me about two and a half years ago when I was sitting in church one day. I heard our minister reading a text (I don’t even remember what it was) and I suddenly though, “If you look at that text a different way, it can create a whole new meaning about following Christ.”

That idea has blossomed over the years into a full blown theology that for me is indeed relevant and also, I think, Biblical. I don’t think Jesus wanted or intended for us to worship him. Not at all. We worship things that are at a distance, separate from us. I think Jesus wanted us to follow him. That is very different than worshiping something.

That then brings up another question. What does following Jesus mean? Does it mean to adhere to a set of Jesus rules? If the answer is yes, then we are no different than those that Jesus was talking about in the gospels. So, what does it mean to follow Jesus? Here is what I have discovered on my journey.

Following Jesus means following the path that he followed to discover who God created me to be. I don’t think Jesus knew the future as I often hear ministers say. It doesn’t make sense and it would not be really relevant for me if he knew everything. What he did, though, was learn how to find his path, stay connected with the spirit of God within him and around him, and develop the confidence and courage to follow his path. He knew some of the logical consequences of his actions, but I don’t really think he knew on this day they will arrest me and then I will die on a cross and come back in three days. What he developed, though, was the ability to listen carefully to that spirit of God within himself and to act on that guidance with confidence.

I think that is our job this Easter. Instead of trying to play by the rules, our job is to go down the path to discover our own calling and manifest that. When we discover the unique person that God created us to be and then have the courage to manifest that (regardless of what others might think or the consequences) then is when the magic starts to happen. Salvation occurs when we have the courage to find our path and follow it.

Most Sundays our minister begins his sermon with the same prayer. “Startle us oh Lord, with the wild improbability of what we say we believe.” This Easter my prayer for you is that you will come to really believe what we say we believe.

The second thing that caught my attention at the Maundy Thursday service was a comment our minister made about the gathering of the saints. He said that since the early church, Maundy Thursday has been a sacred time in the lift of the church. He made a comment about the different eras since then and then made a comment something like, “We gather here with the saints of old.” That is not an exact quote, more a paraphrase. The phrase gathering with the saints was what stood out to me.

I thought for a minute about why we call them saints. There is a set of criteria you must demonstrate in your life before you can become a saint in the Roman Catholic Church. What really, though, made them saints? During communion it struck me that the reason we call them saints is because they had the courage to take the Christ journey themselves and manifest something great in their own lives.

Easter celebrates new beginning.

Day Twenty Five

A part of being intentional is learning to live in the trenches to get things done. I think about how many times me and billions of others have started things and not stayed in the trenches. Those who live intentionally have known for a while what I am just learning. In the past, I lacked the burning desire to really dig in and finish what I had started. It was easy to just let it drift away – not intentionally stop – just find other things to get in the way or take a higher priority.

This year in the trenches, I am pushing to make things happen. It is not pushing to make artificial things happen. It is pushing to make me happen – to change the patterns and let the real me emerge. At the base is a confidence that I can see the other side. As Paul said in the New Testament, “it is the belief that someone has created something of infinite value in me and I want to manifest it.” I want the other side. I am willing to do what is not so comfortable now to have what is possible in the future. It is a different way of thinking and acting.

We head into the Easter weekend and I look forward to a time of celebrating new birth. I already feel like the stone has been rolled away from the tomb of my own heart and mind. The grave cloths may be there, but the body is gone.

May the gift of the resurrection become real in your life as you allow something old to die so that something new can be born. More on that tomorrow.

Day Twenty Four

It is almost the end of March. Technically, I started on March 28, so we are into this a month. The thought for this day is walking by faith. I have always found that phrase a rather trite religious phrase that had little meaning for me, until recently. Most of the time when I have heard it over the years, it was used as a way to deny responsibility or give up control of the things that are clearly within your control. I now have a real and relevant meeting for me personally.

Walking by faith means going as far as you can see with the belief that you will be able to see farther once you get to that point. It has played out over and over during the past ten months. It has finally made a believer out of me. If you have been reading these blogs you know that it has been an extremely challenging time for us economically. When I make a commitment to get healthy emotionally I made a no turning back commitment. Even if it killed me physically or we went belly up economically, I was not going to turn back.

Strangely, during that time, we always found enough money to pay the bills. We still have a huge hill to climb to get to even ground, but I have now come to believe in this path. The same has been true with connections. I asked someone to be my business mentor. That relationship led to a long term contract helping his organization is some strategic areas. Tyler is home from school waiting to see what happens on his journey. During that time he is pumped about the father and son stuff. He is doing the leg work and planning now that can lead us into the future.

This weekend, I could have easily fallen into the pit of despair, but I made a conscious choice not to do so. Instead, I made a choice to believe that things would work out and focus on the things that were within my control. When I focused on what was clearly within my control and let the rest take care of itself, it did in fact work out.

Then, I stumbled on the Matrix again. I have not watched it in a couple of years. Reading it was like reading the story of Jesus or the writings of the medicine men. I was reminded of how we make the commitment to go on the journey, not knowing what the end destination will be. It is a choice. It is a choice that requires more than 30 days of focus. We are just about finished with the first 30 days. It is time for round 2 – April.

Day Twenty Three

A wonderful spiritual awakening has occurred during this first month of living intentionally. I will expound on this in the days ahead, but here is the essence of it. I began teaching a Sunday School class of graduate students and undergraduate students at our church, First Presbyterian in Athens, GA in March. I have always enjoyed teaching, but was frankly amazed at how much I have enjoyed teaching this class and interacting with the participant. It lead to an opportunity to speak at a group on campus last week. That also was a very energizing experience.

I think that what is finally happening is that I am moving past the inward journey and now into the outward journey. My whole journey for the past few years has been a spiritual journey at the core. For most of the past few years it has been the inward journey. Now, the challenge is to live it.

Studying today for our lesson tomorrow has me even more curious about what is really underneath the teachings of Jesus. My journey over the past ten years has explored many spiritual paths. I find it invigorating to find my journey as a Christian to be renewed, but in a very different way that the one I grew up with. The study of other spiritual paths has helped me to find something deeper in the teachings of Jesus than what I have been taught over the years. Even my seminary days.

Day Twenty Two

This may be the shortest posting on the whole year.

Anger, when channeled properly can be a very productive force. I will explain in more detail in a few days.

Day Twenty One

A few days ago I faced another thing to change in my life – starting but not finishing – big burst of energy at the beginning but fizzling before things get moving. I have zigged and zagged so much in my 56 years it makes my head spin.

Tyler, my 23 year old son, is working with me for a while as he determines what he will do with his young life. He is excited about helping us get the father/son material in a finished form to sell. We talked about what he wants from our working relationship. He sounded the gong loud and clear – don’t zig and zag.

Patty sounded the same gong a few days ago. Maybe I ought to start listening.

I actually have been listening the past couple of days. I am understanding why, also. Zigging and zagging were my way of avoiding things. It was my way of avoiding my own fear of being great. It was my way of staying in a perpetual state of anxiety. The past couple of days I have found amazing calm in my life amid all of the chaos.

I am finishing the drill. I am completing the projects. When the year is over, I will be surprised at where I am. Or, maybe I wont. Maybe I really do know what would happen if I became very intentional.

The more that I live intentionally, the more I realize that we create our own reality. I see more and more how my thoughts are creating what I am experiencing. I see how my actions are a manifestation of what is inside me. Experiencing the change internally and watching the change externally is pretty cool.

Day Twenty

I did something tremendously fun last night. PF Gay is in charge of the Intervarsity work with fraternities and sororities at the University of Georgia. Intervarsity is a Christian group that works on college campuses with students. PF met Patty, my wife, a few weeks ago and Patty suggested that she get in touch with me. After we talked for a while she invited me to speak at their weekly event.

I spoke at their meeting last night. It was a great time. The small crowd enabled me to interact with the group throughout the presentation, which is something that I always enjoy doing.

A couple of worthy insights occurred last night that are worth sharing. The first is that one of my major gifts is when I am in front of a group that is eager to learn. It is electrifying for me and it creates a dynamic time for the participants. They certainly seemed to be engaged.

That was a good affirmation, but I knew that already. The second insight was really more powerful. One of the most difficult parts of living intentionally is living in the moment. Most of us, including me, spend more time living in the past and the future than in the moment – the only time that we actually have. Speaking to the students last night, I was completely in the moment. I was only focused on them and creating an environment for them to learn.

Living in the moment is both a choice that we make and also a skill that must be learned. I find it easy to be pulled into the past – fears, worries, concerns. It is equally easy to be thrust forward into the future – spending the current moment thinking about the future rather than doing the things that will actually manifest the future we want.

I have found that every time I am fully in the moment, I am most productive, happiest, and most successful. It is cool when you can learn from the obvious.

Day Nineteen

The year of living intentionally is doing exactly what I hoped it would do - pushing me beyond my comfort zone to manifest a new future. The one thing that I observe about people, me included, is that most of us stay in our comfort zone, even if our comfort zone is not really comfortable. The fear of the unknown can make cowards of us all (A slight modification of Shakespeare).

Those who do great things, though, push themselves intentionally out of their comfort zone. My 56 years have been spent mostly in the comfort zone. I have done good things, but I have not come close to what I am capable of becoming. Who I was created to be has not been manifested in its fullness.

This is what keeps pushing me forward. At this point I want to see how good I really can be. I want to see what life outside of the comfort zone is like.

A predictable pattern occurs when I step outside my comfort zone. Every few steps pushing forward are countered by a pull back toward the old comfort zone. It is like a yoyo, pushing forward and feeling the pull back. Old beliefs and patterns do not die easy.

There is one point in the New Testament (Romans) where Paul confesses that he does the things that he does not want to do and doesn’t do the things that he wants to do. I know how the guy feels.

What is positive, though, is that every few steps does put me a little further out of the comfort zone, even if I get pulled backwards some.

I had another major insight Sunday morning. I was in that sleepy zone where I was not quite awake and not quite asleep. During that time a thought popped out. It was something that had been lying around under the doubt and fear, waiting for the right moment to pop up.

Over the years I have tried to do too many things at one time. All of them are good, but the problem is that none of them get refined and finished. Then, they don’t get marketed. I know the psychological reasons behind this and have addressed them, but they don’t die easy. Whenever I start new things, I quickly can overwhelm myself. Whether it is me trying to do it all myself or trying to do too many projects at one time, the outcome is the same – almost finished projects, unmarketed material, no growth.

What occurred to me Sunday was that I can’t do everything. I knew it intellectually, but it really sunk in emotionally in that sleepy state of consciousness. It clicked. Maybe, just as importantly, I realized that I don’t want to do everything. I don’t want to be fabulous at everything. I want to be fabulous at what I am passionate about.

There are some things that must be left behind if the journey forward is to be abundant.

If I can’t do everything, then what do I want to do? The answer for me is simple – developing people. I am good at facilitating meetings, but I don’t really get excited about that. I am good at general leadership training, but it doesn’t push my button. What I do get excited about is helping people find the path to a new and more exciting life.

We have a long way to go, but the path is getting clearer.

Day Eighteen

Last night Pete Chamberlin gave his wife, Genie, a surprise birthday party. The fact that Pete could pull off a surprise party for Genie is amazing. Genie knows virtually everyone in Athens. You would have thought that someone would slip up and say something.

As I think about the evening there were many expressions of living intentionally. Their house is built intentionally for entertaining, which Genie and Pete love to do. It is an open flowing house. Two French doors open to the front porch allowing people to mix and mingle. It was easy to accommodate the 100 plus people that were there.

Genie is one of the most caring persons I know. Plus, she has one of the most diverse friend groups that I have ever seen. There were friends in their 20s, 30s, 40s, 50s, and beyond. It is a statement of her genuine interest in people, her many interests and activities, and the way in which she intentionally stays connected with others.

For me personally, the party was a time to reconnect with friends, many I have not seen for a few years. Many of us at the party went to church together for a number of years.

There were neat conversations with men about our men’s weekend coming up in April. To all of our surprise, David Kopp, a judge in Green County, created a band and played at the party. None of us knew that he played his way through college with a band. Ken Parker and I reminisced about ten days we spent together in France fifteen years ago traveling through the Vogue Mountains. We also discovered that one of our friends son, Matt, is engaged.

Maybe the most powerful awareness was seeing the strength and joy that comes when you stay connected to friends. Loving and caring friends bring out the best in you. They encourage you to push beyond where you are to what you can be. They love you, not because of what you have done but for who you are. We would all be better if we learned to love ourselves in that same way.

I am thankful for my friends. As I move through this year, I am excited about building an even stronger community of friends to share the journey.

Day Seventeen

One of my goals this year is the development of a network of men committed to doing great things in this world and inspiring the next generation to do the same. This goal is taking shape in a great way. April 9 & 10, at our barn, will be the first convening of men, young and old, who want to create this new brotherhood.

This group will celebrate what it means to be a man today. Our goal is to create a setting that inspires each of us to grow, explore, and become energized for the continued journey through manhood. By fostering positive accountability and pushing each other to challenge our own limits, we will move beyond effective leaders, and become exceptional leaders, in our families, our workplaces, and our communities.

Our first attendees have signed up, and more will come. We will build it, and they will come. Why? Because there are men that want a relevant and constructive community of fellow men who inspire them to be great and do great things.

Intentionality will take a more powerful form at this gathering. The first invitations went out this week. In the past I talked about getting men together but never did it. The most exciting thing will be watching the evolution of this brotherhood and the impact that it will have on the lives of people in the years to come.

If you know of men that would find this brotherhood rewarding, send them our way.

Day Sixteen

Toward the end of spring break the word “fearless” kept resurfacing in my thoughts. After playing with the word a few times, I realized it would symbolize the year of living intentionally. Being intentional is a challenge. It is easy, as I discovered yesterday when writing the letter with Tyler, to slip back into safe modes of thinking. To be intentional and manifest your dreams and goals you must become fearless.

When the word really came alive in my thoughts I realized that it is one of the few “less” words that is positive. The others – hopeless, thoughtless, and most of the other “less” words are negative words. The word fearless literally means to be without fear. All of us have fears from time to time, we cannot simply eliminate fears. The question is what do we do with our fears?

Do our fears control us or are we able to control our fears? Do we act out of our fears or do we act having overcome our fears? Do we let our fears create stumbling blocks or do we move forward in spite of those fears? When we face our fears and relinquish their control over us, we begin the journey to fearless living.

Being fearless is a choice, an act. It is choosing to act because we know that there is something greater and more important than our fear – courage, faith, hope, love, impact. Last night I was alone at home for supper. I took my meal into the den to watch a movie for a few minutes. I chose “The Longest Yard,” the updated version with Adam Sandler. The idea was mindless entertainment for a few minutes before I started the evening work.

Adam Sandler’s character is a Super Bowl MVP quarterback who was banned from football because he intentionally lost a game. In gambling language he “threw the game.” His life spiraled down. After a drunk driving arrest he was put in prison for three years. The prison warden was a huge football fan who created a good semi-pro football team composed of the security guards. The inmates talk the guards into playing a game that you later discover is televised by ESPN. The guard team is a powerhouse. The inmate team is supposed to get trampled.

The inmates make a game of it. At half, the warden tells Adam Sandler to throw the game or he will spend the next 25 years in prison. In the third quarter Sandler does just that. The guards take a comfortable three touchdown lead. The inmates realize that Sandler is throwing the game and let him get tackled hard a number of times. Finally, in the fourth quarter he realizes that he can’t throw the game. He admits to the inmates that he did throw the game in the NFL because he was in debt to the mob. “I don’t want to do that again,” he says.

The team rallies and wins the game in the final seconds. Because Adam Sandler’s character became fearless, he rallied this own team around him. It was mindless entertainment, but it reminded me of the power that comes when one person becomes fearless.